What’s So Weird About Portland? (An Unofficial Investigative Report)

Posted on August 18, 2014 by alyssa

While it may seem like I’ve been on a bit of a blog hiatus lately, I’ve actually been gobbling up a ton of new travel and outdoor material to fill up my little page in cyberspace. I recently traveled to Portland for the first time and was stoked to check it out this place that friends always said would be perfect for me.

We’ve all seen the “Keep Portland Weird” bumper stickers, and I was bound and determined to seek out the weirdest of the weird. But as I drove around the neighborhoods in all four quadrants, I couldn’t help but be reminded of the Chicago I was desperately trying to get away from.

Photo credit: Gwyn Fisher

According to the Keep Portland Weird website, this is what “keeping it weird” is all about:

Keep Portland Weird is about supporting local business in the Portland Oregon area. We want to support local business because they make Portland stand out from other cities and make it a more unique place to live. They do this by providing consumers a wide range of products that represent the different cultures that make up Portland.

Perhaps I had unrealistic expectations or watched a few too many episodes of Portlandia, but for whatever reason, I assumed that “weird” would slap me in the face the moment I arrived in town. Although I had to scratch a bit beneath the surface, I’m pleased to report that I did find the “weird.” And although that “weird” wasn’t all that foreign to me, I enjoyed it nonetheless.

Without further ado, these are a few of my favorite encounters in Portland.

Breweries

With 56 breweries inside the Portland city limits and 76 in the metro area, Portland has more breweries than any city in the world. This particular flight was enjoyed at Lucky Labrador Brew Hall.

Dogs

Speaking of Labradors, Portland is crazy dog friendly. I rarely came across an outdoor patio at a brewery or restaurant that wasn’t inhabited by a few pooches. I definitely see a dog like Abner (who I fostered earlier this year) in my future so dog-friendly places catch my eye these days.

BrewCycles

With 56 breweries to tour and taste in town, some obvious safety concerns come to mind. Pedal off some of those empty calories while getting from Point A to Z a little safer. Current BrewCycle stops are the Lucky Labrador, Lompoc Brewing, Bridgeport, Pints, and Old Town Brewing Company.

Want to earn beer money for biking? Head over to Hopworks Urban Brewery to ride a stationary bike outside the front door to earn $1 for every 15 minutes you bike. Apparently you can burn off one 250-calorie beer with 30 minutes of easy biking. Who knew?!

Food Trucks

After living in Chicago for nearly six years, food trucks aren’t much of an anomaly, but I was determined to scope out the Portland food truck scene for myself. Unlike the Chicago trucks that drive around downtown to feed disgruntled 9-5 workers, the Portland food trucks congregate in clusters in the trendy neighborhoods. I snapped this shot while devouring some dumplings along Alberta Street.

Rose Garden

My favorite flower of the moment is the hydrangea, but roses are okay too. Unlike the nearby Japanese Garden, the Washington Park International Rose Test Garden is totally free to explore on a whim. And despite getting stung by a bee on the way into the garden (no allergies!), this was a totally relaxing stroll full of color and hushed voices.

Outdoorsy Stuff

Speaking (i.e. writing) about beautiful places Portland’s location near amazing outdoor stuff is what really gives it a leg up on ole’ Chicago.

Keep an eye out for future posts about hiking the Columbia River Gorge (Multnomah Falls pictured below) and around Mt. Hood (Salmon River Trail pictured below).

Music & Art

It wasn’t difficult to find fun things to do after the virtual workday came to a close. One night, I checked out a free local bluegrass concert at a restaurant, East Burn.

Another night, I watched an outdoor showing of a 1960s Pink Panther film at a French pastry shop. And on another night, I joined a pub trivia game…and didn’t come in last place! PDX Pipeline was the best resource I found for random things going on around town.

One afternoon I joined a pottery painting session at Mimosa Studios, which was (believe it or not) running a traveling gnome promotion. Here’s how my little lady turned out:

Street-side Oddities

There were other weird things I encountered while roaming the streets all week, like the Lodekka Double Decker Dress Shop. Unfortunately, it was closed by the time I strolled by. Because honestly, what better response is there to “I love your dress!” than “Thanks, I got it in a bus!”

And I passed by the occasional “oompah band” waiting for chiropractic care…

But as with any city, I suppose, Portland had its fair share of unpleasantries as well. Take for example, the impenetrable line at Voodoo Doughnuts…

Or the surprising lack of designated bike lanes…

Or the scary wildfires on the outskirts…

Traffic was irritating, public transit had mind-numbing delays, and locals seem to be totally fine with waiting in line FOREVER for their food. Watch Portlandia’s “Brunch Village” to get a sense of what I’m talking about.

But despite those annoyances, Portland gets a gold star in my book. My friends may be right about it suiting me well because I sorta kinda miss it already…and I still have lots more in Portland to explore.

An 83-Mile Biking/Camping Adventure in Michigan

Posted on July 10, 2014 by alyssa

Up until a few weeks ago, the longest bicycle journey I’d competed was about 50 miles, which isn’t all that impressive. The idea of biking with camping gear and pitching a tent after a long ride always appealed to me, but the logistics and mileage intimidated me equally.

But the opportunity finally presented itself. And every journey begins a little bit easier with a dose of liquid courage.

Founders Brewery

My 83-mile biking/camping adventure began at Founders Brewery in Grand Rapids, Michigan. Sure, I’ve been to my fair share of breweries before, but this one impressed me nonetheless. Founders takes up an entire block of the street across from a train station, and both the indoor and the outdoor spaces are enormous. There were tons of servers floating around, with multiple servers working patrons’ tables.

After a slight sandwich mix-up, I began feasting on my Stella Bleu, one many deli offerings. One sympathetic server even brought out a sample of porter to ease a nearby burning tongue. As typical, I ordered a beer flight to sample the local goods, including tiny pours of All Day IPA, Oatmeal Stout, Mosaic Promise, BA Sprite, and Curmudgeon. BA Sprite was my ultimate favorite – a pale ale aged in a bourbon barrel, buttery, but not overly rich.

But I didn’t linger because lots of pedaling was ahead of me.

White Pines State Park Trail

The journey began on White Pines State Park Trail, Michigan’s longest rail-trail – connecting five counties along 93.5 miles. Along this trail, you find open farmland, forests, swamps, and lots of little towns along the way.

From the city streets of Grand Rapids, I picked the trail up in Walker, where it was paved, wide, and uncrowded. The trail is a mix of ballast and blacktop, so my hybrid tires did just fine for most of it – “most” being the key word. More to come on that later.

After passing by Rockford Brewing Company, the trail becomes wooded, but fortunately not riddled with mosquitoes.

Keep an eye out for crossing turtles!

KC’s Ice Cream

With about 20 miles left to go on the first 40-mile leg of this journey, a magical place appeared between the trees. So I plopped my bike along the trail and sifted through the wildflowers to investigate.

KC’s ice cream shop is located along Main Street in Cedar Springs. They have a ton of unique flavors for cheap prices, and honestly, I probably won’t have made it any further without the generous helping I enjoyed atop a sugar cone.

With the taste of cherry cheesecake still on my tongue, I didn’t exactly anticipate what would happen next. My nicely paved path came to an abrupt halt five miles later, leaving me with a mess of sand, gravel, and rocks to bike on. I longed for my old mountain bike, while slow, durable under such conditions.

My pace slowed, my right knee began to ache, and my bitching level increased dramatically. The town of Howard City provided a temporary path relief, which ended just as quickly as it came up.

Mecosta Campground – Morley, Michigan

Before hitting the four-hour mark, I arrived at the Mecosta Campground in Morley, Michigan, a tiny town with less than 500 people. Mecosta is awesome because it only charges $10/person if you arrive on a bike. Otherwise it’s $26 for a rustic site and $34 for a hookup site.

There’s just something “hardcore” about arriving at a faraway destination on two wheels. Site #24 looked as good as any, and despite the sizable ant population, the tent remained pleasantly bug-free.

The campground had a decently-sized pool, but unfortunately no hot tub. That would have been quite lovely after 41.something miles. I took a quick dip, but was promptly joined by masses of screaming children. I abandoned my post and toweled off with a ringing in my ears.

Now here’s something you NEVER find at campgrounds…free mini golf! There were nine holes of mini golf located onsite, with free club and ball rentals. More campgrounds should really set this up!

Mecosta Campground was clean and easy to sleep in. It was unfortunate that there was only one bathroom for each gender onsite, however, the owners were in the process of building out a few more.

Mecosta’s owner recommended checking out Moe-Z-Inn for dinner. This was a solid recommendation, within walking/biking distance of the campground and with really delicious food. I got the lobster lasagna and downed every last bite. There’s a nice patio out back along the river if you don’t mind sharing the space with mosquitoes.

There isn’t a whole lot else to do in Morley, but there is gas station convenience store if you need to pick up some snacks or a cigar. Expect to see bored teenagers loitering and riding around on motorized bikes on summer evenings.

Satisfied with my brief stint in Morley, I hopped back on the trail the next morning to begin the return journey and complete this 83-mile adventure. The temperature was cooler and the sun was hiding, but rain was nowhere in sight.

As an alternative to 15-mile stretch of sand and gravel path, I opted to ride the first portion along the road for the way back. It was a two-lane road with a 55 MPH speed limit, but not too busy on a Sunday morning. That was definitely a good thing because there was essentially no shoulder, let alone a bike lane. Cars whizzed by, but were kind enough to move over the center line when passing.

The wonderfully-paved trail that I initially took for granted picked back up in Sand Lake, another tiny town along the way. From here, the pace picked up and it was smooth sailing.

Rockford Brewing Company

For one final hurrah, I stopped at the Rockford Brewing Company, about ten miles away from the initial starting point at Founders. One tip: don’t park your bike along the outside patio because you’ll probably get yelled at like I did. There are bike racks on the other side of the trail.

You can get a sampler of Rockford’s five standard beers for $7 and additional samples are $2 each. Top picks were the Rogue River Brown, which wasn’t that unique but well done, and the Ain’t Jemima, a cleverly-named maple sap beer that’s sweet, but not sweet enough to rot your teeth out. The Rockford Country Ale is also pretty good and reminded me of Two Brother’s farmhouse ale.

To refuel, I ordered a Stromboli with chips & salsa, but it appeared to have come pre-packaged from another eatery. Regardless, I was too starving to question its origin. The place has a great location along the trail, a chill vibe, and so-so service. A flyer informed me that they host live bands Thursday and Friday nights, but alas, the calendar and the stars did not align.

After the last leg of the journey, I arrived back at Founders Brewery to find Chief (my Jeep) safe and happily not towed. There are lots of other breweries in the downtown area of Grand Rapids to check out too if you’re still bent on soaking in a hot tub and willing to splurge for some well-deserved relaxation in a walking-distance hotel.

To date, this is my longest biking journey, and it showed me that I’m totally capable to doing more…after at least a week of cursing my bike and nursing my knee back to health, of course.

My mind wanders and becomes restless while I ride, but that’s good for me and I could probably use more of that kind of quiet time. The occasional ache and pain creeps up, but I’m still (relatively) young and healthy, so I need to take advantage of that while I can. And there are still lots of places to explore on two wheels.

^ In case you wondered, that’s what I look like riding a bike with camping gear. ^

The Night I Gnomed Myself – Chouffe Fest Chicago

Posted on June 23, 2014 by alyssa

Brasserie d’ Achouffe, or the Achouffe Brewery, is the only gnome-themed brewery in the world. Therefore, it also happens to be my favorite brewery in the world.

Founded in 1982 (a year before me!), Achouffe is nestled in the green hills of the Belgian Ardennes and brews superb-quality Belgian beers. Brother-in-laws Pierre Gorbon and Christian Bauweraerts began brewing ales as a hobby in the late 70s. Their spearhead product is La Chouffe, a golden blonde ale with a pleasantly fruity taste and hints of coriander. McChouffe (which is in no way related to McDonald’s), is a dark and full-flavored Scottish ale and is one of the brewery’s best-selling products.

Although I haven’t yet found a way to teleport myself to Belgium, the Internet tells me that visitors can take a tour of the brewery while wearing gnome hats. It really doesn’t get much better than that. Tours include a professional guide, introductory film, 45-minute tour, visit to the gift shop, drink samples, and souvenir gifts.

In recent months, Achouffe has been hosting “Chouffe Fests” in cities like Boston, San Francisco, and Los Angeles. In honor of LaChouffe Gnome Week, which was September 18-21, the brewery organized community events, handed out red gnome hats, and encouraged fans to “gnome thyself” with a fun mobile app.

Finally, (FINALLY!) a Chouffe Fest was scheduled in my home base, Chicago. It was held at the Logan Square Auditorium on a Thursday evening in late March.

Chouffe Fests are one-night events that transform boring old event spaces into gnome-inspired realms using larger-than-life entrance ways, eight-foot tall gnome throne photo booths, and big-scale versions of classic games like checkers, Jenga and Connect Four. Scattered stations offer live screen-printed posters, on-site letter pressed postcards to write and send, coloring book pages to scribble on, and a gnome-i-fying caricature artist.

Tickets were just $10 each and I bought mine the day I heard about the event.

Although I found the set-up to be quite wonderful, the execution was quite excruciating. I arrived before the gnomes even opened the doors and quickly nabbed my first beer. Tickets included five drink tickets and free food, photos, games, and music.

But there was a catch.

Who knew SO many people in Chicago loved gnomes? Or maybe it was just the beer.

Hundreds of people began flooding into the close-quartered event space. Within an hour, it took more than 30 minutes to get through the beer line. Yes, there was food at the end of the tunnel, but I began gnawing at my own arm during a painful wait for my miniature slider and bag of chips.

Since I arrived so early, I was able to get my caricature drawn – which was what I was looking forward to the most. In a totally weird way, I’ve always seen myself as a gnome, and now the rest of the world could too. This was the night I gnomed myself.

I was also able to get a couple professional pics taken in the oversize chair and snag a poster and a few postcards (hey did you guys get them? I’m always worried about the reliability of postcard mail). My patience ran too thin to stand in additional lines to play the oversize games, but I’m already pretty good at using my imagination to pretend I’m gnome-sized.

A DJ spun some unremarkable tunes during the bulk of the event, but then in truly random fashion, an oompah oompah band seized the back balcony. Every gnome hat spun 180-degrees.

It’s a crying shame, but I wasn’t even able to use up all my drink tickets because of the ridiculous lines. Despite the wonderfully gnomish quality of this event, I was reminded of a timely and important fact: I DESPISE CROWDS AND FESTIVALS REALLY AREN’T THAT FUN ANYMORE.

Maybe that feeling comes from living in an overpopulated, stressful place for too long. Or maybe it comes from turning 30. But in the end, this was a gnome-themed event and there was beer. And if you have any inkling of how much I enjoy these two things individually – let alone together – putting on a happy face really wasn’t all that much of a challenge.

Regardless of the gnomes Brasserie d’ Achouffe makes really amazing beer, and I hope these nationwide events spark people’s interest and lead to more local bars serving their brews. I gotta cut the Chouffe-sters a little slack about the organization and crowd issues since it is their first year. Chouffe Fests are selling out all over the country (Brooklyn and D.C. just wrapped up last week) and good for them!

Oh, and on my way out, I didn’t forget to stock up on few extra gnome hats. There were plenty and don’t judge me….I know I have a problem. And I now have four gnome hats to accompany my other two. Obscure costume needs? Send ’em my way!

A Gnome Pub at the Edge of the Smoky Mountains

Posted on April 23, 2014 by alyssa

On a recent road trip from Chicago to the Smoky Mountains I was delighted to discover that one particular pub would be a convenient pit stop along the way. The Roaming Gnome Pub & Eatery is located in Sevierville, Tennessee, just north of the tourism madness of Pigeon Forge and Gatlinburg.

But you see, I didn’t stumble upon this wonderland on accident. As an avid writer of all things gnome, I’m familiar with pretty every gnome establishment out there and even receive daily gnome Google alerts to keep up with it all.

Not only was I ecstatic to finally visit this gnome pub, but even more excited to pull into the gnome pub’s parking lot towing a popup camper. Just a couple hours earlier, I had picked up a popup rental near the Indiana/Kentucky border to tow behind my Jeep and spend some time in the Smokys.

The Roaming Gnome used to have three locations: Sevierville, Knoxville, and Maryville. But sadly, only the Sevierville one is still in business today. Three gnome pubs in one regional area would have been too much for me to wrap my head around anyway, I suppose.

Gnome pubs are few and far between, but I am willing to go well out of my way to reach them. But surprisingly, they often let me down. Take for example Dirty Bill’s, a sorta kinda gnome-themed bar in Austin. Although the display of gnome photographs at Dirty Bill’s was nothing short of amazing, the place was clearly trying to phase gnomes out of their decor and become just another generic dive bar off of 6th Street.

The Roaming Gnome, however, is keeping the gnome enthusiast spirit alive and well. The exterior of the building has nothing going for it, as it’s wedged into a strip mall across from a Wal-Mart. But as you approach the door, you’re greeted by a clever gnome window display and large gnome rug.

Some of the high top tables inside have huge gnome faces on them and there are gnome statutes scattered inconspicuously throughout the bar. Miraculously, there are even gnomes plastered upside down on the ceiling.

The pub has a traditional Irish pub feel, with about 75 beers on tap, a no-nonsense food menu, flat screen TVs playing sports, and pool tables in the back. Add some gnomes to that mix and you’ll have a hard time dragging me out.

For dinner, my boyfriend and I settled on a few starters to share: the calamari, the Reuben eggrolls, and the mega nachos. I can safely say that each of them exceeded my pub cuisine expectations. I’m no food critic, but I am a gnome critic. So moving on…

But first – it was Sunday, and I have a really difficult time passing up Sunday Bloody Mary specials. So I gave in and ordered one. No harm done.

It was a bit chilly that evening, so the back patio wasn’t open. However, chalk-drawn gnomes teased and tempted me into the “someday” possibility of eating outdoors after a seemingly endless winter.

The Roaming Gnome has been in Sevierville since 2007 and prides itself on being a local hangout among the tourist chaos. And it seems to be exactly that. A group of local 20-something guys popped in at 9:00 on the dot to take advantage of Pour Hour, a window of time where well drinks and domestic drafts can be chugged for just a buck each.

There’s a drink special every night, just in case the gnomes don’t draw you in on a daily basis like they would for me if I lived nearby. For example, very Wednesday night (9pm to midnight) is Pint Night with normal people pints for $2 and hard core high gravity pints for $4.There’s also a decently sized stage in the front corner of the pub (in front of the gnome window display!), where local bands take the stage Friday and Saturday nights.

The Pigeon Forge/Gatlinburg area is just as touristy as you remember from when your parents dragged you there as an awkward pre-teen. Of course, I fell in love with The Roaming Gnome because well, there are gnomes everywhere. The bartender even let me pose with a huge gnome in a Guinness Hat who normally lives behind the bar!

But honestly, I would have dug this place even if there was no gnome in sight. The pub is spacious, which is a nice change from the obnoxious crowds everywhere else. The menu makes a lot of sense, the prices are spot on, and the vibe is laid back – without being so laid back that you’re twiddling your thumbs waiting for a pint.

So if you find yourself in the middle of Tennessee for whatever reason, make a point to stop in and say hello to my newest gnome friends. I came, I drank, I bought the t-shirt…literally!

A Visit to the Gnome Nook’s Confectioners – Denver, Colorado

Posted on February 13, 2014 by alyssa

At the end of a recent snowboarding trip I took to Colorado, I stumbled upon the most delightful gnome-themed shop in Denver. The Gnome’s Nook Confectioners is tucked away among the trendy eateries and quaint shops in Denver’s Washington Park neighborhood.

The well-decorated Gnome’s Nook entrance

Stroll through the shop’s outdoor area, which is lined trees, shrubs, benches, and gnome murals. Then make your way inside to enter a magical candy-filled forest with a variety of “gnomemade” chocolate, truffles, covered pretzels, and vintage candies.

But the very best part of the shop awaits you on the second floor! Up a single flight of stairs you’ll find a wonderful collection of modern and vintage gnomes, gnome books, greeting cards, games, gnome artwork, knitted gnome hats, and gnome jewelry. I loved browsing through the collections of 1990s Kinder Surprise gnomes, 1980s Tom Clark gnomes, 1970s Goebel gnomes, and even a gnome from the 1940s!

Kinder Surprise gnome collection

The Gnome’s Nook Confectioners is owned by a brother-sister team, Stephen and Katherine Hostettler. According to a local blogger, Stephen chose the signature gnome theme so as to be gender neutral and make the store’s environment welcoming to everyone. I’m still waiting for the owners to reply to an email I sent to the owners with a few questions about their business.

But the Gnome’s Nook isn’t just for shopping, it’s for celebrations too! The owners welcome birthday parties and plan gnome-themed activities wit party favors and cake to keep kids of all ages entertained. The shop also hosts parties for graduations, summer solstice, spring equinox, and Mayday.

Gnome garden entrance

You can attend movie nights, open air music, circle readings, and wine/chocolate pairings throughout the year. Gnome’s Nook also offers “gnome trade” workshops that focus on felting, candle-making, birdhouse making, and garden planting.

Freaking out at all the gnomes up for adoption

I definitely enjoyed my stop at the Gnome’s Nook Confectioners and I highly recommend it to anyone living near or traveling through the Denver area. See for yourself at 1078 South Gaylord Street, Denver, Colorado or give the owners a call at 303-997-7103.

Road Trip Poetry: Haikus and Limericks from the Northeastern U.S.

Posted on October 29, 2013 by alyssa

In an effort to keep the creative side of my brain active during long stretches of road, I decided to write a poem every day (or so) during my last road trip. Short stories take too much time, blog posts become tiresome after awhile, and my Facebook friends don’t care to read every thought going through my head.

To keep things simple, I settled on the haiku and the limerick for poem structures. Let me take you back to junior high creative writing class for just a moment. A Haiku revolves around that odd 5-7-5 syllable structure, juxtaposes two ideas, and throws in a seasonal reference. Limericks have a five-line AABBA rhyme scheme and tend to be on the ridiculous side.

Without schooling you any further, here is my collection of road trip poetry…categorized by city and state. (Reader hint: each paragraph is its own poem!)

Michigan City, Indiana

Jeep in the service bay
On the way to Maine today
Engine light cleared

There once was a gnome driving a Jeep
“The engine light’s on!” he exclaimed with a squeak
Mechanic found a hose was bent

Toronto, Ontario, Canada

Bare butts everywhere
Sketching by bikes in the sand
Monkeys on a beach

There once was a monkey from Toronto
I was traveling and he asked, “Hey, can I go?”
We biked through the sand
He said, “I’ll be damned!”
‘Cause that beach required no clothes!

Indian market
Beetle leaves and ice cream cup
Can’t find magic fruit

Toronto traffic
Reminds me too much of home
“Squeeze left,” a sign says

A girl was biking to Scarborough Bluffs
She rode a long way and had enough
Locked her bike to a tree
And scraped up her knee
Falling off the edge feels pretty tough

Montreal, Quebec, Canada

Campfire burning
Old guitar songs sung in French
Sun sets later now

Biking to Mount Royal
Quiet amidst the chaos
Brakes screech, tires swerve

Fine arts museum
Windy day in Montreal
Textured canvas paint

Grand Isle, Vermont

Citronella light
Illuminates ferry boats
Mosquito bites itch

South Hero, Vermont

Roadside antique store
Crafts and creatures on the shelves
Windy twisty roads

There once was a man from South Hero
Where the population’s practically zero
He shopped for antiques
‘Til his bike started to squeak
And he skidded right off the pier. Oh no!

Vineyard concert night
Locals drink and dance along
Sun sets on the vines

There once was a band that played covers
The vineyard lawn full with blankets of lovers
The drummer drank too much wine
Ate some raw grapes off the vine
And was carried off stage by his brothers

Waterbury, Vermont

Vermont tasting day
Cider, cheese, chocolate, ice cream
Rain makes trees greener

Twin Mountain, New Hampshire

Tensions in the air
Tear drops fall like pouring rain
Let’s go get Thai food

Cold beans in a can
Styrofoam instant noodles
Sleeping bags are damp

Rainy campground day
Clothes swirl ’round the washer
Bad TV plays on

KOA pizza
Sketching by campfire light
Internet goes out

Toes dipped in the pool
Soothes itchy ankle bug bites
Dark clouds rolling in

Stir crazy working
Caught up and getting ahead
Rain motivation

North Conway, New Hampshire

There once was a climber from North Conway
He searched for good routes all day Monday
Finally set up some climbs
Mostly 5.8s and 5.9s
A bit scraped and sore, but he’s doing okay

Bar Harbor, Maine

Lobster between bread
Clam chowder and blueberry pie
Rainy day delight

There once was a moose from the state of Maine
He crossed where he wanted, which felt like a game
He ignored the road signs
Was ticketed for his crimes
‘Til he was put behind bars. What a shame!

Lighthouse on the cliff
Bell rings and red light flashes
“Click” goes the shutter

Calm breeze makes ripples
Water droplets splash my skin
Kayak on the lake

Firewood burning
Embers travel toward the sky
A hole in my shoe

Swollen drippy eye
Fishes take revenge on me
Shellfish allergy

Waves crash on the shore
Wind and flies test my balance
Yoga on the rocks

There once was a mosquito from the Harbor of Bar
I swatted him away, but he didn’t go very far
Felt him land on my skin
Sucking blood out again
Screw the tent – I’m sleeping in the car

There was an old hag at the campsite next door
Her dunkies would cry, and she’d scream some more
Tossed a burning log in the air
Bowed my head, said a prayer
Now all I hear are waves on the shore

Parade candy thrown
Lobster races to my gut
Fireworks so bright

Shift gears up the hill
Wipe the sweat, pedal faster
Cycling carriage trails

Gnomeless antique shop
Rusty junk out in the rain
Creepy man peers out

There once was a sand pail on Sand Beach
It used to make castles, now tangled in seaweed
Someone left it behind
Swept away by the tide
Rake and shovel too far out of reach

Portsmouth, Rhode Island

Chicago to Maine
Many stops along the way
Camping from a Jeep

THE END

Whip In: Austin’s One-Stop Brewery/Indian Restaurant/Concert Venue/Grocery Store

Posted on October 4, 2013 by alyssa

I can’t think of another single place in the world that combines the best aspects of craft beer, Indian food, live music, and grocery shopping. Whip In does exactly that, and does it pretty well.

Roadside sign

My boyfriend, who happens to be Indian, and I came across Whip In’s website while searching for breweries to sample in the Austin area. We were intrigued at the unlikely combination of Texas comfort food, traditional Indian food, and craft beer. From what I understand, Indians aren’t exactly known for their breweries.

The Travel Channel’s Andrew Zimmern even did a little piece on the place, however, I don’t feel he does it justice. Sorry to call you out, buddy, it’s going to take more than footage of your chewing to convince me of Whip In’s awesomeness.

Scoping out the menu

Back in 1986, the owners, Amrit and Chandan Topiwala, bought a convenience store in the Travis Heights Neighborhood and made a living off the gas pumps and B-movie selection.

For whatever reason, beer sales began to outweigh gas sales and priorities were shifted.

Texan-Indian Cuisine and Brews

The convenience store was transformed into a dhaba (traditional Indian/Pakistani roadside restaurant) pub with a full kitchen and homemade brew house. The menu features a mind-boggling fusion of Texan comfort food and authentic Gujarati cuisine. And since it’s in Austin, Whip In practically had no choice but to service local and organic fruits, vegetables, and meats.

Whip In is big on brunch and it has a big section for it on the menu. We settled on a combo dhaba bowl with chana masala, masoor dal, and Zambian corn. We also got an appetizer of samosas and a follow-up entree of dal sliders. With their warm naan, spinach, and mushrooms, the dal sliders were definitely my favorite pick.

Namaste Brewing

Appropriately, Whip In calls its in-house brew house, Namaste Brewing. They had a surprisingly number of beers, although several of the taps had run dry before we showed up.

You can order a sampler of four beers for $10, and we did exactly that. Our picks were the Brahmale, Sitas Revenge, Austinerveisse, and Vishnavi Triple.

Outside seating space

Brahmale = postcolonial IPA made w/goodflow honey, grapefruit peel & lemongrass 9.5%abv
Sitas = french saison made w/striselspalt&aramis hops 6.5%abv
Austinerveisse = berlinerveisse style german sour wheat made w/peaches 4.5%abv
Vishnavi = strong triple brew I seem to have misplaced my notes on

Feast time!

Nearly all the beers on tap were high in alcohol content, with 8% and 9% being totally common. I must admit, the combination of strong beer and strong flavors did do a number on my unsuspecting stomach after awhile.

Rambler Rose

For a Saturday night, Whip In was busy, crowded, and a little chaotic. As a first timer, I was a little overwhelmed trying to wrap my head around this place. Fortunately, we found a seat at the bar, so there was no wait time. If you aren’t so fortunate, you can push your way to the back and browse the couple aisles of groceries that seem wonderfully out-of-place. The owners have traded in their convenience store snacks for hippie fair like tofu-turkey and Tom’s Natural Toothpaste.

Namaste, ya’ll!

Whip In has indoor and outdoor seating, and each space has its own stage. Rambler Rose, featuring a 8 1/2 month pregnant lead singer/percussionist, took the stage while we were finishing up our dinner.

Whip In definitely offers a unique dining/drinking/listening/shopping experience you can’t find anywhere else. Upon first impression, the spot seems to be a bit all over the board, and unable to decide what it is and what it wants to be when it grows up. But whatever it is, I like it. And I hope to visit another place like it some day.

A Conference Imposter in San Antonio

Posted on September 20, 2013 by alyssa

Before becoming a full-time writer, I worked in a random array of industries. I spent my fair share of time in the online education, high rise management, real estate, health insurance, and product liability industries. But despite all those years in the cubicle, I never got the opportunity to attend an industry conference.

Perhaps I didn’t care enough about the industry to bring it up to my boss. Perhaps my boss was too cheap to send me on an unchaperoned trip to Vegas. For whatever reason, I’ve never schlepped my bags to a strange city to pretend listen to cheesy seminars while wondering when the next happy hour event begins.

Until now.

My boyfriend works in the Internet retailer/office supply industry and ships off to at least a conference or two every year. Since I can work from “wherever,” I decided to tag along to San Antonio for a little change of pace. And for an extended post-conference adventure to Austin and Padre Island.

The conference is being held at the J.W. Marriott Resort & Spa, which is a considerable step up from my usual accommodations inside a tent with a broken pole. After three days of mooching bliss, I’ve determined that being playing the role of conference tag-along is a pretty sweet gig.

A stressful day working poolside

I’ve spent most of my days cranking out articles on my laptop next to the pool with a frozen mojito in hand, taking occasional breaks to float down the “lazy river” or zip down the water slide. Let the truth be told, I’m incredibly productive in these circumstances! I even managed to get me a name badge, which allows me sneak into some events for free food and drinks. Score!

Last night was one of these events and it literally was held in the street in front of The Alamo. The conference organizers set up huge tents just steps away from the historic building, which was flanked by food trucks and booze stations. I’m not one for networking events or small talk, especially when its not even my industry, but I hung around long enough for some food truck sliders and cheap beer.

The Marriott resort is about 45 minutes away from downtown San Antonio, so I was glad to step away from the life of secluded luxury and actually get into the city for a bit. I visited San Antonio a couple years ago with my best girlfriend, and it’s exactly as touristy as I remember it. Say what you will, but the tried-and-true Riverwalk does make for a beautiful and relaxing evening stroll.

My “company” badge

As I sit in my plush provided bathrobe and curse the rain that keeps me from the pool today, I ponder the mentality of the modern conference-goer. For most people, this seems like a great way to ditch office responsibilities, escape the family, and feast on free booze for a few days. It’s an excuse for non-travelers to take a vacation. It’s one of the rare perks of 9-5 office work. But I can attest to the fact that all anyone here talks about it work…so I guess it all has a certain level of productivity as well. Surely, plenty of booze-fueled business deals are on the table and covered in some kind of duck fat french fry grease (Say She Ate has great ones, by the way).

Perhaps if they aren’t ridiculously expensive or hopelessly lame, I’ll look into attending a writers conference in the near future. Writers must be more interesting to have small talk with than Internet salesmen, right?

Miami: Beyond the Beach and the Bar

Posted on August 13, 2013 by alyssa

I’m a southern white girl and I like to drink.

Not that I’ve identified myself, let me tell you about my first experience in Miami.

My best friend, Michelle, and have taken a trip together each summer for the past five years. This year’s destination was Miami: the land of beaches, nightlife, and good looking people.

Issue #1: I’m 100% German and burn like a newborn baby.
Issue #2: I’m pushing 30 and get hangovers consistent with water-boarding.
Issue #3: I just got back from a 6-week road trip and didn’t have a lot of spare cash lying around.
Issue #4: Michelle got knocked up (she’s already “come out” on Facebook, so I’m not spoiling any surprise) so she had to eat and/or rest every two hours.

Needless to say, we needed to find more to do in Miami than just hit the beaches and the bars. Don’t worry….I had my fair share of mojitos and got my fill of ocean water up the nose. But here’s a few other things to do if you find yourself in a similar situation visiting Miami:

Take a Touristy Boat Cruise

I despise tourist traps as much as the next seasoned traveler. However, sometimes some booze on a boat ain’t half bad. Island Queen Cruises offers hour long rides along “Millionaire’s Row” to spy in on the homes of the rich and famous. As you cruise along Biscayne Bay, you’ll see how Enrique Iglesias, Shakira, and Pitbull live out their days in the Sunshine State.

Even if you don’t give a rat’s ass about celebrities, it’s a fun way to relax and enjoy the ocean breeze while listening to pop music you’d never dream of saying you actually enjoy. Tickets cost $26 per person and the bar is cash only. Buy one regularly-priced $7 drink to kick things off and then hold out ’til the last half of the tour when the prices drop to $5. The tour guides will be pushy, but you don’t have to tip if you don’t want to.

Stop by a Bayfront Park Concert

If you’re staying in a hotel downtown, the only place to go for the evening is Bayfront Park. There is an indoor/outdoor mall and lots of ocean-side restaurants with outside seating. The restaurants are pretty comparable to each other, so just pick one and have a seat. Whether you choose Cuban food or American food, it’s all pretty standard and totally edible.

Bayfront Park hosts concerts pretty much every night, and it’s a good time if you haven’t heard of the band. Michelle and I stopped to listen to a random lounge jazz band. I can totally support that. The bands don’t usually draw large crowds, but passersby seem to enjoy the ambiance.

Stroll the Botanical Gardens

Unlike in many cities, the botanical gardens in Miami Beach are totally free. It’s nothing too elaborate or spectacular, but it is nice to stroll some green space and get a couple breaths of fresh air.

The gardens are open from 9-5 Tuesdays through Sundays, and they’re right across from the convention center. There’s always some kind of art exhibition going on at the gardens that makes you take a step back and go, “what the hell?” I had the pleasure of scratching my head at “Chapungu,” which featured twenty works from sculptors in Zimbabwe, and the emotion-invoking text bubbles of “Nayda Collazo-Llorens: Pleasure, Fear and the Pursuit of Happiness.”

Peruse the Art Center of South Florida

There are plenty of museums in the Miami area, but few that you can have all to yourself without paying a dime. The Art Center of South Florida is composed of three buildings of artist workspaces that hosts classes, exhibitions, and events. Unlike other art museums you’ve been to, this place lets you peek in on what local artists are doing without all the bells and whistles.

It’s easy to miss the museum buildings amidst the consumerism flashiness of Lincoln Road. When you visit, you’ll probably seeing a couple artists splashing paint around behind the layer of glass that keeps you on the outside looking in. As it’s flanked by designer stores and posh restaurants on all sides, the art center offers a rare glimpse of authenticity in Miami Beach.

Go to a Festival in Little Havana

Since traveling to Cuba is easier said than done, the next best thing is a visit to Little Havana. Now before you get your hopes up about meeting all your favorite Castro family members, there really isn’t that much to do in this small Cuban neighborhood. Although there are a few Cuban restaurants and a memorial in the park, the area is pretty low-key and residential. One of the best times to visit Little Havana is during one of its Viernes Culturales festivals. A massive rain storm cut the festival short when I was in town, but the artists held out as long as you could. Head down to Calle Ocho, between 13th and 17th streets, on the last Friday of the month to check out some work from local artists, Cuban-style dancing, and some food vendors.

Attend an Outdoor Yoga Class

I already told you a little about Bayfront Park, but we’re going to head back there once more for the sake of fitness and mental clarity. The park offers free yoga classes for the public on Mondays evenings, Wednesday evenings, and Saturday mornings.

On especially hot days, arrive about twenty minutes early so you can snag a spot in the shade. Although my overall perception of Miamians was pushy and sales-driven, the people at this yoga gathering were legitimately alright. A local offered me an extra yoga mat to use since I’d only brought a beach towel, and a nice young gentleman behind me struck up a conversation about the bar sponsors on my Chicago kickball t-shirt.

Shop at Coral Gables and Coconut Grove

When I travel to a new city, I always like to venture off the main drags and see what the neighborhoods are all about. On our last day in Miami, Michelle and I took a drive to three different neighborhoods that were highly rated by strangers on the Internet.

Miami’s Design District proved to be a bust because not a single thing was open. I supposed I’ll give the neighborhood the benefit of the doubt since it was Sunday morning. Next, we drove to Coral Gables in search of some retail therapy. Finally before heading to the airport, we checked out the Coconut Grove area. The latter two areas had their fair share of shops and restaurants, but nothing that totally blew us away.

I take that back. One particular little shop, The Olfactory Co., knocked my socks off. As a low-maintenance gal with a gnome obsession, I usually prefer to shop for pointy-hatted companions over pointy-heeled shoes. Unexpectedly, this store carried gnomes in the form of finger puppets, dishes, salt n’ pepper shakers, and tea light candles.

If you’re looking to do more in Miami than get drunk and lay out, you’ve got to do your research and work for it. Well maybe you don’t now since I’ve been kind enough to give you a head’s start. However, don’t skip ’em, because then then you’d be missing out on the quintessential Miami experience. However, I hope this post just goes to show that you can find more than just beaches and bars in Miami.

Urban Farming: Not Just an Urban Legend

Posted on July 23, 2013 by alyssa

There are at least 61,777 residential and community gardens that are part of the “urban farming global food chain.” Urban farming is doing more than just providing city folk with a way to grow their own salads. Today’s version of urban farming establishes organic gardens in vacant lots and unused spaces to grow crops for people that have trouble accessing healthy foods. When city-dwellers notice urban gardens springing up in their neighborhoods, they become more aware of their own health and inspired to help others eat healthier too. Not only do urban farms help cut grocery bills, but they also provide communities with jobs and bring people together for the common benefit.

Situated in the agricultural mecca of the Midwest, yet far removed from it, Chicago has embraced the concept of urban farming in unprecedented ways. The city’s poverty-stricken South Side is being transformed into an urban farming district, known as Growing Home, which will make use of thirteen square miles of unused space and at least 11,000 vacant lots. Chicago hopes that the farms will bring healthier food options to a notoriously obese community, create jobs, and attract new businesses to the area. Another local organization, City Farm, offers volunteer and internship opportunities for residents to get their hands dirty and learn about growing and selling produce to local markets. But urban farms aren’t just limited to vacant lots around the city. Entrepreneurial businesses like FarmedHere have been financing vertical farms in cities, hoping to grow millions of pounds of chemical and pesticide-free leafy greens to feed local communities.

But Chicago isn’t the only city jumping on the urban farming bandwagon. Rio Grande Community Farm in Albuquerque, New Mexico, Homeless Garden Project in Santa Cruz, California, Jones Valley Urban Farm in Birmingham, Alabama, and Brooklyn Rescue Mission in New York are making a huge impact on their communities as well. The urban farming wave might seem like a new concept, but it actually dates back to ancient civilizations in Egypt and Machu Picchu. Since more than half of the world’s population lives in cities, where millions of hungry people are struggling to live every day, urban farming holds a lot of promise for the future. So if you live in a high rise apartment with little more than a balcony amidst a jungle of steel and concrete, do a quick Internet search to see if any urban farms are growing nearby. Do yourself and your community a favor and get involved!

Alyssa v. Nature

Where the nature outside collides with the nature inside

Category Archives: Eating