Dirty Bill’s: A (Sort Of) Gnome-Themed Dive Bar in Austin

Dirty Bill’s would be just like any other dive bar on the map except for one simple fact. It is filled with glossy photographs of a traveling gnome mingling with celebrities.

Dirty Bill's 1Tucked away from the blaring live music and pub scene on 6th Street, Dirty Bill’s is a tiny, dark bar in Austin’s Warehouse District. So how did a tourist like me stumble upon it, you ask? Well before I take any trip, I do a quick Google search for “[town name + gnomes].” Other than a couple quirky shops (which I obviously visited also), Dirty Bill’s was the only result I found.

This is the home of the “world famous” gnome, Dirty Bill, but sadly, no one seems to care anymore. I found my way the bar, late on a Saturday afternoon. The bar was empty, and the only sign of life was the bartender half-heartedly cleaning up a pile of puke on the sidewalk by the front door.

Dirty Bill's 2The walls were plastered with the most amazing photographs of an obscure variety of celebrities posing with Dirty Bill. This gnome has been held by everyone from Les Claypool to Bill Murray, Modest Mouse, Tony Hawk, Kid Rock, Courtney Love, and Alice Cooper. It seems he’s lived quite the live, considering shots of him getting tattooed, skydiving, and committing various forms of public scandal.

So who exactly is Dirty Bill, how does he get around so much, and why is he just sitting in a glass case right now?

Dirty Bill's 3Unfortunately, these questions remain largely unanswered.

After an initial look around, I introduced myself as a “gnome enthusiast” to the bartender, Crystal, and begged my boyfriend to snap as many photos (of the photos) as possible. Crystal seemed wholly uninterested in gnomes, but she was kind enough to entertain my obsession for awhile.

Dirty Bill's 5Crystal revealed that one of the owners of the place shared my obsession and had been well-connected in the music industry. She said that Dirty Bill hadn’t traveled anywhere in quite some time and that the owner wasn’t really into it anymore. Most of Dirty Bill’s photos were snapped in the late 90s and early 2000s. Personally, I can’t understand how you can own/work in a bar full of gnomes and NOT be “into it.”

Although Crystal (the only staff member working at the time) didn’t seem to know much about the origins of the gnome or the intentions or whereabouts of the owner, she agreed to let me meet Dirty Bill up close and personal. He was covered in stickers, tattoos, scratches, and other common types of battle scars that gnomes suffer from while traveling. According to the bar’s Facebook page, Dirty Bill began traveling in 1999.

Dirty Bill's 6I made few more laps around perimeter to soak up each and every photograph in the bar, which to date, is the only gnome-themed bar I’ve ever been to. What I wouldn’t give to own and operate a gnome bar of my very own!?

If you read reviews of the bar, you’ll see a steady stream of complaints about bad service, impersonal staff, and cramped space. But some locals defend it for its unpretentious vibe and the jukebox.

Dirty Bill's 9Internet searches about Dirty Bill yield very few results, and the bar is clearly trying to move away from its gnome theme. They recently replaced the exterior sign, which had a gnome on it, to a dull, black sign that just says “Dirty.” They’re moving away from the name “Dirty Bill’s” entirely, and going for that whole overdone, generic dive bar theme instead. Check out the bar’s website and you’ll be hard pressed to find a gnome.

Dirty Bill's 10I left Dirty Bills that hot Texas afternoon with a bittersweet feeling. This bar has so much potential for eclectic patrons, but yet it falls so short. In exchange for $15, Crystal found me one of the last bar tank tops that bore Dirty Bill’s name and illustration (in a men’s large – the only size available.)

Perhaps Dirty Bill’s wasn’t all I’d hope it would be, but I sure am glad to got to meet him before the bar abandons him completely. Although he and I are mere acquaintances at best, I hate to think of him being retired to a storage bin to make room for something far more lame. You’d better bet that I’m keeping tabs on the bar though, because if it ever shuts down, I want first dibs on a couple of those photographs!

Whip In: Austin’s One-Stop Brewery/Indian Restaurant/Concert Venue/Grocery Store

I can’t think of another single place in the world that combines the best aspects of craft beer, Indian food, live music, and grocery shopping. Whip In does exactly that, and does it pretty well.

Roadside sign

Roadside sign

My boyfriend, who happens to be Indian, and I came across Whip In’s website while searching for breweries to sample in the Austin area. We were intrigued at the unlikely combination of Texas comfort food, traditional Indian food, and craft beer. From what I understand, Indians aren’t exactly known for their breweries.

The Travel Channel’s Andrew Zimmern even did a little piece on the place, however, I don’t feel he does it justice. Sorry to call you out, buddy, it’s going to take more than footage of your chewing to convince me of Whip In’s awesomeness.

Scoping out the menu

Scoping out the menu

Back in 1986, the owners, Amrit and Chandan Topiwala, bought a convenience store in the Travis Heights Neighborhood and made a living off the gas pumps and B-movie selection.

For whatever reason, beer sales began to outweigh gas sales and priorities were shifted.

Texan-Indian Cuisine and Brews

Texan-Indian Cuisine and Brews

 

The convenience store was transformed into a dhaba (traditional Indian/Pakistani roadside restaurant) pub with a full kitchen and homemade brew house. The menu features a mind-boggling fusion of Texan comfort food and authentic Gujarati cuisine. And since it’s in Austin, Whip In practically had no choice but to service local and organic fruits, vegetables, and meats.

Whip In is big on brunch and it has a big section for it on the menu. We settled on a combo dhaba bowl with chana masala, masoor dal, and Zambian corn. We also got an appetizer of samosas and a follow-up entree of dal sliders. With their warm naan, spinach, and mushrooms, the dal sliders were definitely my favorite pick.

Namaste Brewing

Namaste Brewing

Appropriately, Whip In calls its in-house brew house, Namaste Brewing. They had a surprisingly number of beers, although several of the taps had run dry before we showed up.

You can order a sampler of four beers for $10, and we did exactly that. Our picks were the Brahmale, Sitas Revenge, Austinerveisse, and Vishnavi Triple.

 

Outside seating space

Outside seating space

  • Brahmale = postcolonial IPA made w/goodflow honey, grapefruit peel & lemongrass 9.5%abv
  • Sitas = french saison made w/striselspalt&aramis hops 6.5%abv
  • Austinerveisse = berlinerveisse style german sour wheat made w/peaches 4.5%abv
  • Vishnavi = strong triple brew I seem to have misplaced my notes on
Feast time!

Feast time!

Nearly all the beers on tap were high in alcohol content, with 8% and 9% being totally common. I must admit, the combination of strong beer and strong flavors did do a number on my unsuspecting stomach after awhile.

Rambler Rose

Rambler Rose

 

 

 

For a Saturday night, Whip In was busy, crowded, and a little chaotic. As a first timer, I was a little overwhelmed trying to wrap my head around this place. Fortunately, we found a seat at the bar, so there was no wait time. If you aren’t so fortunate, you can push your way to the back and browse the couple aisles of groceries that seem wonderfully out-of-place. The owners have traded in their convenience store snacks for hippie fair like tofu-turkey and Tom’s Natural Toothpaste.

Namaste, ya'll!

Namaste, ya’ll!

Whip In has indoor and outdoor seating, and each space has its own stage. Rambler Rose, featuring a 8 1/2 month pregnant lead singer/percussionist, took the stage while we were finishing up our dinner.

Whip In definitely offers a unique dining/drinking/listening/shopping experience you can’t find anywhere else. Upon first impression, the spot seems to be a bit all over the board, and unable to decide what it is and what it wants to be when it grows up. But whatever it is, I like it. And I hope to visit another place like it some day.

The First (of Several) Texas State Parks: McKinney Falls, South Austin

When choosing a campground, you can usually go one of two ways: private or government. State and federal park campgrounds tend to be cheaper, but often at the expense of no privacy and no amenities (i.e. Internet). Private campgrounds come with a higher price tag, but often aren’t tucked away in the most beautiful places.

Camp site #15

Camp site #15

However, McKinney Falls State Park proved to be a little bit of the best of both worlds. Located in South Austin, this 726-acre park has been open to the city-dwelling public since 1976. It’s named after Thomas F. McKinney, who was one of Texas’s first colonists and made a fortune off of racehorse breeding, flour mill production, and slave labor.

Spiders as neighbors

Spiders as neighbors

Campsites range from $15 for walk-ins to $24 for spaces with water and 50-amp electric. The sites book up fast, even after Labor Day, so we secured the very last one for the weekend. All the sites are separated from each other pretty well, so you won’t feel cramped next to neighbors with monstrous RVs.

We were initially worried about camping the first night because it was raining, there were flood warnings, and the campground is near Onion Creek. However, each site has a “tent pit” that’s outlined with logs and we didn’t experience a single pool of water. Some sites shade trees and others have none, so choose wisely based on your tendency to sunburn.

Hiking trail map

Hiking trail map

The campsites have a wide open feel and there are plenty of cactus to make you feel like you’re camping in the desert. There are a couple visitor centers in the park and the staff will kindly talk your ear off if you let them. The grounds are incredibly well-maintained for a government facility and I had no complaints about the shops, bathrooms, or site grounds.

We went hiked a few of the McKinney trails, which are okay or biking but definitely better for hiking. Since “hill country” isn’t really all that hilly, the trails are pretty easy but still scenic. One pit stop along the way is “Old Baldy,” which is a 500 year old, 103-foot tall cypress tree along the trail.

There are two waterfalls, upper and lower falls, that are easy to get to and worth a stop. They aren’t very tall, but gazing into a waterfall is always relaxing, regardless of their magnitude. Due to recently heavy rains, we weren’t able cross over the falls and access the other side of the trails.

Suspicious footprints

Suspicious footprints

Texas state parks don’t require a fishing license to fish and much to my surprise, they loan out fishing poles for free. It’s a totally laid back transaction and some locations even have fake bait to give out too. We settled on an inopportune fishing spot under some shade trees and spent more time untangling the the line than actually casting out. It was a learning experience, that’s for sure.

One of the coolest things about McKinney Falls was its proximity to Austin. It was only about a twenty minute drive from downtown, which made it easy to sightsee during the day and camp at night. However, I never felt like I was right outside a large city while I was camping here: no traffic noise, no bright lights, and plenty of nature in all directions.

Tangled in fishing line

Tangled in fishing line

My final recommendation is to spring for a Texas State Park Pass if you’re going to camp for more than a couple days. It sucks parting with $70, but it starts saving you money on about day #3 of camping. The pass gets you out of paying the $6+ daily park fee, gives you 50% off your second night at any state campground, and gives you 10% off any supplies you buy at their stores.

Before this trip, beautiful parks were the last thing that came to mind when I thought of Texas. Believe it or not, there are 93 state parks here, and I look forward to visiting as many of them as possible during my trip.

Brew-Fueled Serenity Outside Austin: The Jester King

If you want a good brewery recommendation, ask a guy running the food truck. Anyone who’s been to Austin knows there are a ton of breweries in the area. But since most their brews don’t make it across the Texas border, it’s hard narrowing down your options if you’re only got a few days.

The Jester King

The Jester King

I recently tagged along to my boyfriend’s conference outing in San Antonio and found myself waiting for free grub in food truck lines outside the Alamo. To pass the time, we struck up a conversation with a friendly food truck guy about local brews, and promptly received a recommendation for the Jester King.

Although I visited Austin a couple years prior, I wasn’t as obsessed with breweries then as I am not. So we took his suggestion and ran with it…all the way to brew retreat bliss.

Patiently waiting for beer

Patiently waiting for beer

The Jester King is as “out in the middle of nowhere” as you can expect with an Austin city zip code. The roads leading to it are hilly, and it’s a surprisingly scenic drive.

After initially missing the entrance and turning around in a ditch, we spotted the unassuming sign that leads down a ranch-style road. This ranch, however, is filled with rows of cars instead of livestock, and it looks like it will be really busy from the parking lot.

Testing the taste buds

Testing the taste buds

You’ll pass by Stanley’s Farmhouse pizza, which is worth a stop, but do yourself a favor and find beer first. The brew house on the hill looks huge, but the tasting room is actually pretty quaint. It’s just a bar, with no place to sit and no tables to lean on.

But the service is great, and the guys working bar are both friendly and know their stuff. The parking lot led me to believe I’d be waiting in a long line for a taste and shouting over a crowded bar to put my order in. Although the tasting room had a steady stream of tasters, it was a far cry from annoying or cramped.

Tree top chandelier

Tree top chandelier

I still can’t stop raving about Black Metal. It’s a Russian imperial stout, and it weighs in at a whopping 9.3%. The beer has a predictable black-brown color, strong aspects of chocolate, peppery overtones, and a hint of coffee accents. It’s strong, it’s smooth, and it has a warming boozy mouth feel from start to finish. I had a sample, then a pint, and finally a bottle to go. Yep, it was that good.

My second favorite brew was Mad Meg, which is a saison farmhouse ale and golden in color. Apparently Mad Meg was a peasant woman from Flemish folklore who led an army of women to pillage hell. While that’s pretty hardcore, the beer was pleasantly smooth with citrus influences, herbal spices, and an aftertaste unique to this type of beer.

Mmm...pizza goes in here

Mmm…pizza goes in here

Otherwise, I tried the Noble King and the Wytchmaker, neither of which left a lasting impression, and Boxer’s Revenge, which was far too sour for my taste. I understand that sour beers are the new rage with the “kids” these days, but I can’t manage to jump on the sour bandwagon just yet.

Although I was a big fan of Jester King’s beers, I fell in love with their brewery set up even more. In my opinion, this is what a brewery should be: plenty of outdoor seating space, laid back vibe, a stage for live music, simple food on site, manageable crowds, and a festive atmosphere that makes you never want to leave.

As the sun began to set, chandeliers hung from tree branches lit up to illuminate picnic tables scattered through the rolling hills. The brewery was run well, without being pretentious, family-friendly, without crawling with kids, and situated in a peaceful atmosphere that temps you to be social.

Devour in 3...2...1...

Devour in 3…2…1…

I should also mention that Jester King, as well as most of Austin, is really dog-friendly. Dogs aren’t only tolerated here, but they are expected and admired. Dog ownership sounds a lot more manageable to me if you can bring your pooch to the pub.

We ordered a pizza at Stanley’s before they closed at 9pm; it came out quick and although it wasn’t huge, it was pretty delicious. Softly playing classic rock radio provided the accompaniment, but apparently they sometimes host live music on Saturday nights. If you like Jester King’s labels, which are pretty clever, you can pick up a poster print of one for $20 to $25.

On the drive back to the campground from Jester King, I started pondering how different some breweries are from one another. As I mentioned, ones like this always rock my socks off. But the footwear of other brew fanatics probably flies off at the sight of warehouse district or gastropub competition.

I’ll save that debate for another article (coming soon!) and continue riding the wave of Black Metal and the mellow vibe I took with me from the Texas countryside.