The Night I Gnomed Myself – Chouffe Fest Chicago

Posted on June 23, 2014 by alyssa

Brasserie d’ Achouffe, or the Achouffe Brewery, is the only gnome-themed brewery in the world. Therefore, it also happens to be my favorite brewery in the world.

Founded in 1982 (a year before me!), Achouffe is nestled in the green hills of the Belgian Ardennes and brews superb-quality Belgian beers. Brother-in-laws Pierre Gorbon and Christian Bauweraerts began brewing ales as a hobby in the late 70s. Their spearhead product is La Chouffe, a golden blonde ale with a pleasantly fruity taste and hints of coriander. McChouffe (which is in no way related to McDonald’s), is a dark and full-flavored Scottish ale and is one of the brewery’s best-selling products.

Although I haven’t yet found a way to teleport myself to Belgium, the Internet tells me that visitors can take a tour of the brewery while wearing gnome hats. It really doesn’t get much better than that. Tours include a professional guide, introductory film, 45-minute tour, visit to the gift shop, drink samples, and souvenir gifts.

In recent months, Achouffe has been hosting “Chouffe Fests” in cities like Boston, San Francisco, and Los Angeles. In honor of LaChouffe Gnome Week, which was September 18-21, the brewery organized community events, handed out red gnome hats, and encouraged fans to “gnome thyself” with a fun mobile app.

Finally, (FINALLY!) a Chouffe Fest was scheduled in my home base, Chicago. It was held at the Logan Square Auditorium on a Thursday evening in late March.

Chouffe Fests are one-night events that transform boring old event spaces into gnome-inspired realms using larger-than-life entrance ways, eight-foot tall gnome throne photo booths, and big-scale versions of classic games like checkers, Jenga and Connect Four. Scattered stations offer live screen-printed posters, on-site letter pressed postcards to write and send, coloring book pages to scribble on, and a gnome-i-fying caricature artist.

Tickets were just $10 each and I bought mine the day I heard about the event.

Although I found the set-up to be quite wonderful, the execution was quite excruciating. I arrived before the gnomes even opened the doors and quickly nabbed my first beer. Tickets included five drink tickets and free food, photos, games, and music.

But there was a catch.

Who knew SO many people in Chicago loved gnomes? Or maybe it was just the beer.

Hundreds of people began flooding into the close-quartered event space. Within an hour, it took more than 30 minutes to get through the beer line. Yes, there was food at the end of the tunnel, but I began gnawing at my own arm during a painful wait for my miniature slider and bag of chips.

Since I arrived so early, I was able to get my caricature drawn – which was what I was looking forward to the most. In a totally weird way, I’ve always seen myself as a gnome, and now the rest of the world could too. This was the night I gnomed myself.

I was also able to get a couple professional pics taken in the oversize chair and snag a poster and a few postcards (hey did you guys get them? I’m always worried about the reliability of postcard mail). My patience ran too thin to stand in additional lines to play the oversize games, but I’m already pretty good at using my imagination to pretend I’m gnome-sized.

A DJ spun some unremarkable tunes during the bulk of the event, but then in truly random fashion, an oompah oompah band seized the back balcony. Every gnome hat spun 180-degrees.

It’s a crying shame, but I wasn’t even able to use up all my drink tickets because of the ridiculous lines. Despite the wonderfully gnomish quality of this event, I was reminded of a timely and important fact: I DESPISE CROWDS AND FESTIVALS REALLY AREN’T THAT FUN ANYMORE.

Maybe that feeling comes from living in an overpopulated, stressful place for too long. Or maybe it comes from turning 30. But in the end, this was a gnome-themed event and there was beer. And if you have any inkling of how much I enjoy these two things individually – let alone together – putting on a happy face really wasn’t all that much of a challenge.

Regardless of the gnomes Brasserie d’ Achouffe makes really amazing beer, and I hope these nationwide events spark people’s interest and lead to more local bars serving their brews. I gotta cut the Chouffe-sters a little slack about the organization and crowd issues since it is their first year. Chouffe Fests are selling out all over the country (Brooklyn and D.C. just wrapped up last week) and good for them!

Oh, and on my way out, I didn’t forget to stock up on few extra gnome hats. There were plenty and don’t judge me….I know I have a problem. And I now have four gnome hats to accompany my other two. Obscure costume needs? Send ’em my way!

Anchored Navigation: A Poem…Six Years Later

Posted on June 18, 2014 by alyssa

Sometimes lines of poetry come to me in a flood, and other times they’re six years in the making. I’ve never put a ton of time into writing poetry, but strings of words occasionally pop into my head and I can’t get them out. To me, poetry is more than rhyming words and structured phrases. It’s a means of safely releasing secret emotions under the guise of obscurity and ambiguity.

I sketched out the rough draft of one particular poem on an emotional evening in February of 2008. I titled it “Captain Steve Part II”, even though the person who inspired it was not named Steve and there was never a Part I.

To say that this poem stuck with me over the years would be an understatement. Its words inspired me to get my second tattoo, a Celtic compass star positioned on my right shoulder, designed to guide me along my chosen path.

The tattoo inspired by this poem - May 2009 - Dublin, Ireland

Tattoo inspiration – May 2009 – Dublin, Ireland

Back in 2008 and still today, I have struggled to find the place I’m meant to be. It’s not here, it’s not anywhere I’ve been before, and I’m starting to think that place doesn’t exist.

Recently on a lazy Sunday afternoon, I dusted off my old poetry journal and began flipping through the pages. The journal fell open at “Captain Steve Part II.” Although I was somewhat critical of the actual prose, the feelings behind it still rang true.

I decided to resurrect and revamp “Captain Steve,” with a new name and a few new lines. Here’s how it goes:

Anchored Navigation

The star that guides through the desert
The compass that guides through the sea
The intricate path I must follow
Towards where I’m meant to be

The map that once held answers
Is practically worthless to me
Uncomfortably forcing me to venture out
Into unfamiliar territory

Death Valley Journey

Refusing to sail along blindly
Focused on the only light I see
Let crashing waves take control
Close my eyes and simply breathe

Wake to the taste of sand on my tongue
A stinging sensation in my eyes
Fall to my knees, frantically feeling
As I throw my hands to the sky

Costa Rica Journey

There is no guidance in this life
No master plan behind it all
No pre-determined path to follow
No inspiring other-worldly call

So I turn my ear to the sound of the breeze
And wait for a shift in the wind
Scenery changes while I stand still
Wasting away in someone else’s skin

The Crafting of a Gnome Skirt

Posted on June 16, 2014 by alyssa

Let’s take a little break from all this crazy hiking and biking for a moment to focus on one of my favorite indoor pastimes: crafting.

Many people believe that craftiness runs in the family, and I’m determined to not let it skip a generation. One of my grandmothers was a master quilter, the other a master crocheter, and my mom…well she could always sew a mean button on in a pinch.

I received a sewing machine as a gift a couple years ago and always felt intimidated by it. Slowly but surely, I learned to sew beginner basics like pillows and pajama pants. But what I really wanted to learn was how to make skirts…and more specifically gnome skirts.

After a couple failed attempts, I signed up for an 8-week beginner sewing course at my local fabric store. I arrived armed with a clever gnome fabric I found online, a fancy pink travel case for my machine, and lots of notions I wasn’t sure what to do with.

sew2

Thanks to the guidance of my fairly patient teacher, I finished the class with a gnome skirt that I’m proud to wear everywhere! If you’re curious, the pattern I used for this skirt is McCall’s #3341, Length D.

I credit this fun fabric for getting me through the frustrating bits of class, like installing the back zipper and hemming the bottom by hand. This is my first successful gnome sewing project, but I expect many more to follow!

Do you love to sew? Why not pick up some fun fabrics for your own craft projects? Check out these awesome gnome fabric links and click on the pictures for inspiration!

Gnome Living Gnome Collage Bright (what I used on this skirt)
Michael Miller fabric Gnomeville (what I want to use next)
Michael Miller Gnome for the Holidays Blue (what I’m stocking up on for holiday gifts)

Need some inspiration beyond my first-timer advice? These blogs have some totally enviable gnome sewing projects that I can’t stop drooling over. I mean, baby gnome shoes? Seriously, how can you NOT gag with cuteness over those?

Dragon Mumma’s Envy

Michelle Patterns

Sugarsticks Parties

*A version of this article is scheduled to also be posted in the summer 2014 edition of the International Gnome Club Newsletter!

A Solo Smokies Hike Along Grotto Falls Trail

Posted on June 10, 2014 by alyssa

Travel companions are nice and all, but if you’re anything like me, you secretly crave alone time just as much when you’re on the road.

There’s something to be said for finding solitude in nature, to control your own route, and push your limits without someone else’s influence. During my recent trip to the Smoky Mountains, I decided to look into the trees instead of at the footsteps ahead of me. I set my own pace, stopped to take photos when I wanted to, and focused on listening to my jumbled thoughts.

My solo route of choice was the Grotto Falls trail, and I drove from Pigeon Forge through Gatlinburg, and along windy, narrow uphill roads to reach it. I passed by the Rainbow Falls Trailhead, which was disgustingly crowded, and came to an abrupt halt at a road closure blocking my way.

The road to the Grotto Falls trail had been barricaded off, most likely because the National Park Service hadn’t yet opened all of the trails for spring. But since it was the middle of March, I was surprised to be greeted by orange cones and metal gates instead of an idyllic path.

It was time to improvise.

I parked my Jeep along the side of the road and made my way back towards the crowded trailhead I passed a bit earlier. After a half mile of roadside walking, I reached a different trailhead with a sign: “Grotto Falls 3.5 miles.”

Now I’m no sissy to a seven-mile round trip hike, but in the spirit of solo safety, I’d left word back at the RV that I’d be back (from a significantly shorter hike) within an hour or two. The mountains aren’t exactly known for their stellar cellphone reception, but I managed to squeeze a text through the void and provide a tip off that I’d be a little later than expected.

And what an excellent decision that was!

Some sections of the trail were easy and flat, while others were coated in a fresh layer of mud from the previous evening’s snowfall. The light dusting of snow on the tree branches provided the perfect backdrop for a stereotypically introspective afternoon.

Since there were really no steep cliffs along this route, my hike was more about endurance and less nerve-racking than I expected. There were a few fallen trees along the trail and a few streams blocking the path, but nothing that I couldn’t hop over with an ounce of grace.

I visually compartmentalized each category of thoughts into “folders,” filing one away when I’d sifted through it just enough to move on to the next one. While mental flickerings of my work stress, my relationship, and my enduring restlessness came and went, one thought persisted:

Wow, it’s taking me a lot longer to hike this than I ever expected!

Keep trudging along…just 1.2 miles to go. Oh, and then the whole return trip.

As a kid, I remember watching stupid cartoons where a character was stranded in the desert and began to hallucinate, envisioning a mirage of water in the far distance. Well on this hike, a mirage of my own emerged…the elusive sounds of a waterfall.

I knew that my journey would be half done when I reached Grotto Falls, and I could have sworn to hear the falls miles in advance of their actual location. As I turned a corner with a glimmer of hope in my eye, I would come to find that the sound of rushing water could only be attributed to a tiny stream not even worth mention on a map.

Then the temperature began to drop. Noticeably drop.

A sound, much louder than any sound I’d encountered thus far on the hike, filled my ears to the brim. Finally, one turn I took led me to a totally mediocre waterfall.

“That’s it? That’s what I hiked four miles for?!”

But as I continued on, the small waterfall led to a much larger waterfall, and my bitching promptly subsided.

Although the rocks leading up to the falls were frozen and slippery, the falls flowed fast. There are quite a few waterfall hikes in the Smokies, but very few that you can actually walk behind. This is one of them. The rocks were glistening with ice crystals and the mist would have only been refreshing if it was 40-degrees warmer outside.

Since this is an out-and-back hike, rather than a loop, you have two options to get back to your car. You can either backtrack exactly what you just did, or you can walk along the road about two miles to the barricaded gate. Since I knew there’d be no traffic along the road, I chose that route for a change in scenery.

Some might call this downhill route “cheating,” but it did offer some amazing mountain views. And I’m okay with that. After 7+ miles and 3+ hours, I made it back to my Jeep with a heightened sense of confidence and way better attitude about the rest of this Tennessee road trip.

Solo Hiking Tips from a Pseudo-Expert

Decide on a specific trail and let someone know what it is
Read some online trail journals to learn about what previous hikers encountered on your route
Take a GPS or two-way radio because cellphones are worthless on hikes
Keep a record of how many miles you’ve hiked in the past (and on what type of terrain) and be realistic about how hardcore you are
Memorize some maps to get an overview of the area in case you make a wrong turn
Don’t underestimate your need for basic stuff like granola bars, water, a first-aid kit, and extra layers
Pay attention to what time of day it is and plan to be back before sunset
Take a million pictures because you’re the only one seeing this

Brewing for the Thirsty People of Lafayette Indiana

Posted on June 6, 2014 by alyssa

After an afternoon of aiming at airborne pieces of clay at the Oakwood Gun Club, I found myself craving something cold and refreshing. Since the Gun Club is located in the middle of nowhere, I had to travel an hour and twenty minutes south to find the sort of satisfaction I was looking for. Fortunately, I was headed that way anyway to camp for the night.

Located in an obscure industrial park in Lafayette, Indiana lies a magical place called People’s Brewing Company. By and large, some of the best breweries I’ve ever stumbled upon have been tucked away in shady warehouse districts that practically beg you not to step foot in them.

You’d better but the address in your GPS because People’s doesn’t really have a legit sign – just a plastic banner, which reads “Making Beer for the People.”

Saunter up the stairs like you know what you’re doing and make your way to the small bar in the back. A big friendly guy will greet you and quickly pour out whatever you’re thirsting for. When I visited on a late Saturday afternoon, this Vermont native was the only bartender on staff, but he was quick, efficient, and full of no-nonsense.

After some not-so-strategic pondering, I tried a small sample of everything People’s had on tap. A sampler of six beers runs you $6, and additional samples are just a buck each.

After a not-so-scientific evaluation, I settled on People’s coffee-esque Irish Rover Stout (5.5 IBU @ 6.5%) to fill up the lonely growler rolling around in the back of my Jeep. Honorable mentions go out to The Abbott Belgian Dark Strong (IBU 2.0 @ 8.2%) and Agent Oats Oatmeal Stout (3.0 IBU @ 5.2%).

Nothing was so unique that I instantly had to write home about, but what was done was done well. Filling a growler was a no-brainer, the cost of most growler fills is just $8 and $11 for strongs. As a frame of reference, Revolution Brewing, the closest brewery to my apartment back home in Chicago, charges between $14 and $22 for a growler fill.

This place has a total local vibe to it, with plenty of regulars coming and going to fill their growlers or grab an afternoon pint. Everyone seemed to kinda know everyone else, yet I never felt out of place. Although this is a college town, the crowd seemed to be mostly 30s and 40s. Unfortunately, there’s no outdoor seating, but it’s not too difficult to inch your way up to the open garage door to take in the aromatic waves of tractor-trailer fumes wafting by.

Inside its 6,000-square-foot facility, the brewery has offered tours and a 1,000-square-foot tasting room since 2010. The brewers here specialize in small batch recipes and have about six beers on tap at any given time.

If you find yourself passing through Indiana for whatever weird reason someday, do yourself a favor and stop by People’s Brewing. It’s unpretentious enough to show up in whatever you’re wearing, yet friendly enough to make you remember it each time you’re passing through the “Crossroads of America.”

People’s Brewing is open from 2 pm to 8 pm on weekdays and noon to 8 pm on weekends.

Where to Shoot Guns (without getting in trouble) in Indiana

Posted on May 15, 2014 by alyssa

There are just some things that make more sense in Indiana. Shooting guns is one of those things.

I’m about as far as you can get from a rifle-toting, NRA fanatic. However, I’m also not oblivious to the fact that on occasion, a clay pigeon need to die.

Don’t miss this sign as you fly by

I ventured to the bustling metropolis of Wheatfield, Indiana last weekend to put my aim to the test and throw caution to the wind. This was my second visit to the Oakwood Gun Club; the first being several years ago for an early (and inspirational) Fünn Clübb event.

The check-in building

The Oakwood Gun Club is tucked away along a dusty country road, and you’ll probably fly right without seeing it if you’re using GPS. Pull your vehicle (preferably a pickup truck) anywhere in the grass and plod on over to the large house-like structure looming in the distance. This is where you check in and get your weapons and ammo, however, don’t expect much in the way of a lesson.

No need to sign a waiver, show any identification, or prove that you’re not a complete psychopath! Simply collect your ammo and off you go!

Station #2

Ask Dave, or whoever else is working at the time, for a “cart.” Gun club carts are actually baby strollers that have been converted into gun and ammo box-carrying vehicles. Sure you could carry your own stuff around. But what could be more hilarious than stashing your rifle where your newborn child should go? America.

Baby stroller/gun carrier

There are ten sporting clay stations set up in a really nice wooded setting. With lush foliage and curved dirt trails, this place would be really peaceful if it weren’t for the constant blasts of gun fire.

Oh! Remember to bring ear plugs or ask the guy working at the front desk for a pair. You might think they’re for pansies, but no. Unnecessary hearing loss is for pansies.

Shooting at a church in the distance, because yeah.

The ten shooting stands are set up to simulate actual hunting scenarios, in which defenseless animals lose their pathetic lives. Fortunately, no living creatures were harmed during my shooting excursion! And to be honest, not many non-living creatures (i.e. clay pigeons) were harmed either.

Sporting clays is a form of clay pigeon shooting that’s often referred to as “golf with a shotgun.” The sport’s been around since the early 1900s, when British shooting schools started using clay targets to practice for driven-game shoots.

Poor, defenseless sporting clays

For those of you as unfamiliar with guns as I am, the rifles definitely do have a kickback. Your armpit will start to ache by about your 20th shot. Toughen up, it’s not as bad as you expect it to be. And if you’re blessed enough to have transparent white skin like mine, you’ll earn a killer bruise that you can show to all your friends and brag about for days.

Some of the shooting stations are out in the open and some are inside wooden box structures. Some of them are easier than others, but honestly, they all rattled my nerves. When it was all said and done, I hit 14 out of 100 clay pigeons….that’s a shopping 14% for all you non-math majors out there. My very favorite shot of them all was Station #10, target B, where I hit an impressive 7 of 10 and doubled my overall score.

Documentation of my embarrassing score

This is a total locals’ place, and not the sort of place you see a lot of women hanging around. The fact that it was Mother’s Day weekend may have had something to do with that too.

But truth be told, the Oakwood Gun Club is a really laid back shooting facility that is beginner friendly and refreshingly non-judgmental. I visited on a Saturday afternoon and it wasn’t crowded either. There will probably be a few old coots shooting long-distance into a field up near the parking lot, and there’s plenty of grassy space to watch, hang out, or have an awkward picnic.

Old coots shooting stuff

One thing to keep in mind is that sporting clay shooting is not cheap. It costs $29 per person to use the sporting clays and stations, and ammo costs about $6 per box. If you’re going to shoot the recommended 10 shots at each station, you’re gonna be shelling out $109 for you and your hot shooting date.

Don’t mess with Indiana

The shooting course is closed Monday and Friday, open 10-5 Tuesday and Thursday, 10-dusk Wednesday, and 9-5 Saturday and Sunday. So you don’t make a trip out to the middle of nowhere for no reason, send an email to [email protected] to reserve your spot a couple days in advance.

To my knowledge, there is absolutely nothing else to do in Wheatfield, Indiana. But a day of shooting guns requires proper refreshment and celebration. If you’re not in a hurry, take an hour and 20 minute drive down to Lafayette and scope out the brewery scene. People’s Brewing Company and Lafayette Brewing Company are the best places in the area to reward yourself for being moderately hardcore and for not landing yourself in the ER.

Why Glow in the Dark Mini Golf is Still Totally Blog-Worthy

Posted on May 9, 2014 by alyssa

How did you celebrate Valentine’s Day this year?

I spent my February 14th in a psychedelic black-lit room fighting sensory overload while trying to make a connection between metal and rubber.

No, my boyfriend didn’t buy me an acid trip to show his affection…he took me glow-in-the dark mini golfing!

Located in the near North Chicago suburb of Norridge, Putting Edge is a 18 hole fantasy land of vibrant color and surreal themes. Sure, I went mini golfing for my fair share of childhood birthday parties back in the day, but decades of time have worn down any natural skill I could have once claimed.

I know what you’re thinking. Mini golf = LAME. In many cases, I’d totally agree with you, but not this place. Putting Edge is a total departure from logic, an escape from reality, and a cure for the average date night.

Feeling mind-numb from your 9-5? Stuck in a relationship rut full of quicksand? Tired of looking at the same *#$@(% walls surrounding every single day?

Go glow golf and make it all better…at least for an hour or so.

Putting Edge is an 18-hole mini golf course that’s reasonably challenging for the novice golfer, without being too predictably dull. Then again, there’s nothing really predictable at all about mummified eyes lurking in the shadows or an octopus with oozing brain matter hovering over you.

I can’t remember my putting score offhand, but it wasn’t too embarrassing. I’m sure this place gets packed with families on the weekends, but it was nice and peaceful on a “holiday” weekday evening.

When I scoped out the Putting Edge website to reference on this blog post, I learned that’s actually (but not surprisingly) a chain. So if you’re sitting in Denver, Orlando, St. Louis, or Detroit right now, you could be glow-in-the-dark mini golfing right now instead of reading this! Glowing golf must be a big deal in Canada, because the chain has a whopping 10 locations up there.

My absolute favorite part of the Norridge golf course was the glowing monkey section at the end. Not only did grinning monkeys serve as obstacles on the course, but they also formed a bonus hole after hole 18.

What I wouldn’t give to deck out a room in my apartment with a blacklight some of those neon glowing monkey cut outs. Maybe one day….when I “grow up” and have a home of my very own.

There are a ton of glowing arcade games that stand between the front door and the golf course, which you can scope out as you walk in. They all take tokens, so you’ll have to exchange some cash for some at the front desk to play.

The good news? There’s a ton of different games here.

The bad news? Most of them are broken.

The redeeming news? Some of the machines accidentally spit out way more tickets than you deserve.

The comforting news? If a machine cheats you out of tickets, hunt down one of the kids working nearby and they’ll get you what you deserve.

Now stop mulling it over and go redeem those tickets for a few silly plastic trinkets that you’ll cherish for all of five minutes before relinquishing them to a dusty drawer you’ll never look in again.

The Putting Edge in Norridge is open from 1pm to 9pm Monday through Friday, 1pm to midnight on Friday, 10am to midnight on Saturday, and 11am to 8pm on Sunday. You’ll have to fork over $10.50 to play if you’re in your teenage years or better.

After succumbing glow-in-the-dark fever, I began searching for other glow-worthy spots around the city. A few weeks later, I headed over to Space Golf in Orland Park. This place defines awesome in a whole other way. Alien planets, giant robots, flying saucers, and space creatures are the norm at this retro course that’s tiny in comparison to Putting Edge.

Some of these holes are next to impossible, while others are ridiculously simple. Pay the extra $1 for 3D glasses and try to golf with them on for a truly trippy night out. No 1980s-style golf course would be complete without an outdated arcade and some cheap eats. The guy working here will heat up a frozen pizza for you for half price Mondays through Thursdays, and there’s usually a 2-for-1 golf special that runs on Tuesdays.

After staring at a computer screen day-in and day-out, these silly little golf courses nudged my senses and woke up part of my brain that never gets used. There’s something about the cheesiness factor of these places that appeals to my inner desire to let loose, get competitive, and be a kid again. And there aren’t too many cheap thrills that I can say the same for.

Gorillas in Georgia?! A Tour of the Dewar Wildlife Trust Sanctuary

Posted on April 29, 2014 by alyssa

Georgia sounds like the absolute last place on earth that gorillas would be living in the wild. But there they were, roaming around on a couple hundred acres in the mountains of northern Georgia.

Over a decade ago, a software engineer decided to switch gears, follow his passion, and build a gorilla sanctuary. His name is Steuart Dewar, and he made a good chunk of his gorilla-funding fortune developing a calendar application for the Palm mobile operating system. After some other land deals fell through, one worked out – a plot near Blue Ridge and Morgantown in the rolling mountains of northern Georgia.

Dewar’s goal was to build a facility to care for gorillas that couldn’t otherwise be kept at zoos because of their medical or social issues. He built 14-foot concrete walls that enclose about eight acres of green space and indoor enclosure spaces for them to sleep at night. By enlisting the help of well-regarded veterinary facilities and veterinary professionals, the sanctuary earned the approval of the Association of Zoos and Aquariums.

When I arrived at the gorilla sanctuary for my scheduled tour, I unknowingly expected to find lots of gorillas living behind these fences. So you can imagine my surprise when I discovered that only TWO gorillas lived on site. The current residents are Kidogo and Jasiri, and they’re both about 15 years old.

A former resident, Joe, arrived at the Dewar Wildlife Trust (DWT) in 2003. In July 2012, Joe had to be euthanized “at the conclusion of an emergency immobilization following a recent marked decline in his health along with ongoing chronic health conditions that included advanced periodontal and cardiac disease.” Although Joe was born in the wild in Cameroon in 1963, he was captured and contained in a series of zoos in Birmingham, Denver, and Brownsville, Texas.

DWT took on a gorilla named Oliver in 2006, but he was later moved to Ohio to live in the Columbus Zoo and father his first child. Kidogo and Jasiri, the third and fourth residents, both arrived at the facility from Zoo Atlanta in March 2012 after causing a ruckus and fighting with younger gorillas in designated bachelor groups.

This nonprofit organization isn’t technically open to the public, but they still offer tours and host school groups. To get in touch, I contacted Steuart’s wife, JoBeth Dewar, by calling 706-374-5109. You can also email her at [email protected]. Keep trying and leave messages if you don’t get a quick response.

These gorillas are tucked away in the absolute middle of nowhere, and your vehicle had better have four-wheel drive if you’ve booked a tour. Steuart and JoBeth don’t advertise the GPS location of the sanctuary until your tour is on the calendar because they’re afraid of high school kids sneaking in to mess with the gorillas. To respect their privacy, I’ll just say that the roads to reach DWT are dusty, windy, hilly, narrow, and a bit treacherous. There is absolutely no signage along the way to let you know you’re on the right track.

After rerouting my Jeep a couple times, I called JoBeth to let her know that I had arrived for the tour. Apparently, my boyfriend and I were the only ones scheduled for this tour, which worked out well since the drive from Pigeon Forge, Tennessee took longer than expected.

JoBeth and Steuart pulled up in a (much older and rugged) Jeep of their own and told us to hop in. They took us to the front office, which was unassuming and featured little more than a small TV set and a decade-old laptop. Steuart shared a PowerPoint side presentation with us about how he started DWT and the gorillas that had lived here. Then we hopped back in the Jeep to meet Kidogo and Jasiri.

Although Kidogo and Jasiri live behind a large concrete wall with a ton of open space, they stay in one place. JoBeth and Steuart brought a bag of apples and grapes to let us feed the gorillas between metal bars beneath windows in the concrete enclosure. Given their sheer size and power, I was surprised at how gentle the gorillas took food from our hands.

Oh by the way, gorillas smell absolutely terrible. Apparently baths aren’t part of a gorilla sanctuary care regimen.

Now you need to understand that my boyfriend and I aren’t just casual wildlife observers. We’re really into primates, having recently visited the Chimp Haven Sanctuary in Keithville, Louisiana, supporting the Born Free Primate Sanctuary in rural Texas, and watching every documentary out there. So we had a ton of questions about caring for the gorillas, and Steuart and JoBeth did an excellent job of answering all of them.

At times, the sanctuary area made me feel like I was the one in the cage, while the gorillas roamed “free” in open space. To my relief, they don’t seem the least bit crowded and they get along marvelously. We watched Kidogo and Jasiri tease each other, play-fight, and even grope each other a bit. I suppose it gets boring without having any female gorillas around to play with.

After feeding time, the couple took us to the upper “observation deck” area to watch the gorillas interact without our intrusion. Then we went down to the nighttime enclosure space, which has large cages, hammocks, and a few toys.

We also got to see the veterinary hospital room, with its large operating table and medical equipment. Both gorillas recently underwent routine cardiac ultrasound exams to test them for cardiac disease, which is the #1 cause of death for gorillas living in captivity.

According to The Atlanta Journal-Constitution, Zoo Atlanta pays for two full-time curators, Horton and Bobby Fellows, to care for the 14-year-old gorillas, both of which remain property of the zoo. The zoo also supplies other in-kind support, including gorilla chow. Apparently, Zoo Atlanta remains interested in working with DWT to find solutions for some of their 21 male gorillas who don’t assimilate well with groups in the zoo’s small 3-acre space. The Dewars don’t live on site, but rather travel back and forth from Texas in their live-in RV for tours and other gorilla business.

After it was all said and done, the Dewars spent a couple hours with us and really seemed to enjoy working with “the boys,” as they call the gorillas. Group tours cost $39 per adult and $19 per child, usually start at 1:00 pm, and last for 2-3 hours. These group tours are scheduled on select Saturdays from May through September, otherwise you’ll be paying $495 for a private tour scheduled at a date of your choosing.

Aside from the small number of gorillas living onsite, two other things surprised me. There is a ton of underutilized space at DWT that has never been built out. Steuart indicated that maybe someday they would be able to take on other types of animals and use the vacant buildings and land spaces for unrelated conservation use. But for now, the buildings are empty and the construction materials lie in stacks.

Finally, there is a thrift shop onsite. A full-blown thrift shop with dusty furniture, lamps, and knickknacks – I’m not even kidding. After JoBeth sold her six-bedroom home to live a gorilla-filled life on the road with Steuart, she had a lot of extra stuff at her disposal. Every DWT tour ends at the thrift shop in case you’d like to buy anything or make a tax-deductible donation of your own unwanted junk. All for the sake of fundraising!

I must say that I absolutely loved spending a Saturday afternoon with Steuart and JoBeth, who were some of the most interesting characters I’ve met in a very long time. Although the need for a gorilla sanctuary isn’t incredibly great, there is still is a need. As someone who has come to hate everything that zoos stand for, I think DWT is making the best of these gorillas’ situations and helping them live out their adult lives more peacefully.

Kidogo and Jasiri were sweeter, calmer, and more playful than I would have ever expected them to be after all they’ve been through. DWT has a Facebook page, however, most of the updates are about general animal conservation topics rather than what Kidogo and Jasiri are up to. But I still check in every now and then to see what shenanigans these teenage gorillas might be getting into. And I wish them both the very best!

For more information on visiting Dewar Wildlife Trust, visit Steuart and JoBeth’s tour page: http://www.dewarwildlife.org/tours.htm and register online.

A Gnome Pub at the Edge of the Smoky Mountains

Posted on April 23, 2014 by alyssa

On a recent road trip from Chicago to the Smoky Mountains I was delighted to discover that one particular pub would be a convenient pit stop along the way. The Roaming Gnome Pub & Eatery is located in Sevierville, Tennessee, just north of the tourism madness of Pigeon Forge and Gatlinburg.

But you see, I didn’t stumble upon this wonderland on accident. As an avid writer of all things gnome, I’m familiar with pretty every gnome establishment out there and even receive daily gnome Google alerts to keep up with it all.

Not only was I ecstatic to finally visit this gnome pub, but even more excited to pull into the gnome pub’s parking lot towing a popup camper. Just a couple hours earlier, I had picked up a popup rental near the Indiana/Kentucky border to tow behind my Jeep and spend some time in the Smokys.

The Roaming Gnome used to have three locations: Sevierville, Knoxville, and Maryville. But sadly, only the Sevierville one is still in business today. Three gnome pubs in one regional area would have been too much for me to wrap my head around anyway, I suppose.

Gnome pubs are few and far between, but I am willing to go well out of my way to reach them. But surprisingly, they often let me down. Take for example Dirty Bill’s, a sorta kinda gnome-themed bar in Austin. Although the display of gnome photographs at Dirty Bill’s was nothing short of amazing, the place was clearly trying to phase gnomes out of their decor and become just another generic dive bar off of 6th Street.

The Roaming Gnome, however, is keeping the gnome enthusiast spirit alive and well. The exterior of the building has nothing going for it, as it’s wedged into a strip mall across from a Wal-Mart. But as you approach the door, you’re greeted by a clever gnome window display and large gnome rug.

Some of the high top tables inside have huge gnome faces on them and there are gnome statutes scattered inconspicuously throughout the bar. Miraculously, there are even gnomes plastered upside down on the ceiling.

The pub has a traditional Irish pub feel, with about 75 beers on tap, a no-nonsense food menu, flat screen TVs playing sports, and pool tables in the back. Add some gnomes to that mix and you’ll have a hard time dragging me out.

For dinner, my boyfriend and I settled on a few starters to share: the calamari, the Reuben eggrolls, and the mega nachos. I can safely say that each of them exceeded my pub cuisine expectations. I’m no food critic, but I am a gnome critic. So moving on…

But first – it was Sunday, and I have a really difficult time passing up Sunday Bloody Mary specials. So I gave in and ordered one. No harm done.

It was a bit chilly that evening, so the back patio wasn’t open. However, chalk-drawn gnomes teased and tempted me into the “someday” possibility of eating outdoors after a seemingly endless winter.

The Roaming Gnome has been in Sevierville since 2007 and prides itself on being a local hangout among the tourist chaos. And it seems to be exactly that. A group of local 20-something guys popped in at 9:00 on the dot to take advantage of Pour Hour, a window of time where well drinks and domestic drafts can be chugged for just a buck each.

There’s a drink special every night, just in case the gnomes don’t draw you in on a daily basis like they would for me if I lived nearby. For example, very Wednesday night (9pm to midnight) is Pint Night with normal people pints for $2 and hard core high gravity pints for $4.There’s also a decently sized stage in the front corner of the pub (in front of the gnome window display!), where local bands take the stage Friday and Saturday nights.

The Pigeon Forge/Gatlinburg area is just as touristy as you remember from when your parents dragged you there as an awkward pre-teen. Of course, I fell in love with The Roaming Gnome because well, there are gnomes everywhere. The bartender even let me pose with a huge gnome in a Guinness Hat who normally lives behind the bar!

But honestly, I would have dug this place even if there was no gnome in sight. The pub is spacious, which is a nice change from the obnoxious crowds everywhere else. The menu makes a lot of sense, the prices are spot on, and the vibe is laid back – without being so laid back that you’re twiddling your thumbs waiting for a pint.

So if you find yourself in the middle of Tennessee for whatever reason, make a point to stop in and say hello to my newest gnome friends. I came, I drank, I bought the t-shirt…literally!

Hiking the Chimney Tops Trail: #1 of 3 Smoky Mountain Adventures

Posted on April 11, 2014 by alyssa

There are at least a hundred hiking trails in the Smoky Mountains, so how’s a girl supposed to settle on just one for an introductory hike?

Eeny meeny miny moe, randomly point on a map, and hit the road!

The Chimney Tops Trail climbs 1,400 feet in two miles, making it a relatively steep trail in anyone’s book. The round-trip trail length is four miles, making it perfect for a moderate morning hike. You’ll find the trail-head for the trip almost seven miles south of the Sugarlands Visitor Center on the Newfound Gap Road (latitude 35.63538, longitude -83.46979). There’s a “parking lot” alongside the road that you could easily mistake for a vista point pullout. This is less than a 30 minute drive if you’re camping in Pigeon Forge, like I did.

Chimney Tops is a mountain in the central Smokys with an elevation of 4,724 feet. It’s one of the rare occurrences of a bare rock summit in the mountain range.

Another reason to hit this trail early in the morning is that it is incredibly popular and gets disgustingly crowded…even during the off-season. The first 0.9 miles of the trail is super easy, so you can get a good pace going.

During this stretch, you’ll hike along Road Prong Creek and across several picturesque bridges and up some conveniently placed steps. Expect to step in a good bit of mud, even if you can’t recall the last time it rained.

You’ll know you’re halfway to the summit when you reach Beech Flats, and everything gets a little more challenging from here. Stay on the trail that veers right to reach the summit, which is a bouldering problem if I ever saw one.

To get the absolute best view, you’ll need to scramble to the top without the help of a cable to hold on to or any technical gear. Hikers get injured here all the time, so if you’ll feeling shaky, stay off the pinnacles and enjoy the comparably awesome view of the Sugarland Mountain in the west and Sugarlands Valley in the north.

I, for one, had yet to develop my mountain legs and told myself I was satisfied with the view after climbing up about one-third of the pinnacle structure. It is nerve-racking up there, but if you gaze straight forward to either side, the characteristically hazy views should restore some inner balance.

From start to finish, Chimney Tops is an incredibly well-marked trail that provides an impressive introduction to the Smoky Mountains. The better-than-average signage also ensures that directionally challenged hikers, like me, won’t get lost and take a wrong turn.

I hiked this trail in about two hours in early March, starting at about 8:00 am. On the return hike back to the car, I began passing by lots of other hikers. By 10:00 am, there wasn’t a single parking spot available in the area.

Chimney Tops was my first Smoky Mountain hike during my most recent trip to the national park. As I later noticed, every Smoky hike is surprisingly unique and has its own particular set of challenges. Coming up next, I tackle the Grotto Falls Trail and the Rainbow Falls Trail, which both had something entirely different in store for me and my trusty hiking boots.

Alyssa v. Nature

Where the nature outside collides with the nature inside

Yearly Archives: 2014