Casual Judgements in Toronto

After spending a few days in Canada’s largest city, I couldn’t help but make some observations along the way. Here’s a few things that I found scribbled in a notebook from those days as I worked, played, and remained casually judgmental.

1. Biking is okay in Toronto, but not great.

Before even crossing into the city limits, I had the impression that Toronto was a bike-friendly city. With a permanent residence in Chicago, I had high expectations for the Canadian equivalent. I will say that a few areas around the city are great for biking…Toronto Island in particular after the ferry ride. However, a majority of the streets downtown don’t have bike lanes, so you have to squeeze between cars in heavy traffic. To save on hotel bills, I stayed in the semi-nearby Scarborough Township. Biking to the downtown area required either a bus-yellow line subway ride or a blue line-green line transfer subway ride, which became a pain in the ass after a couple days.

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA2. I’m a minority.

I see enough white people on a daily basis, so Toronto was refreshingly diverse. Never have I seen so many mixed-race couples and bi-racial kids running around in public parks.

3. You can smoke weed wherever you want. 

A whiff here, a whiff there, a passing breeze to bring back cloudy memories of college days. Unless my nose steers me wrong, Toronto isn’t all that hung up on public use marijuana laws.

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA4. 90’s grunge isn’t dead.

If you lived out your adolescent years in the 90s you might feel right at home in Toronto. While biking the city streets, I saw a greater than average number of flannel shirts, baggy jeans, mohawks, and camouflage.

5. Folks are cool with being naked. 

I had the pleasure of experiencing my first nude beach near Hanlan’s Point on Toronto Island. There were a good number of fully nude dudes, a couple shirtless chicks, and a surprisingly un-weird vibe. This beach was incredibly peaceful, despite all the “stuff” hanging out.

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA6. Traffic is just as bad, or worse, than Chicago.

Since I live in a city, I typically don’t enjoy vacationing in a city…especially another one with similarly stressful traffic. Getting around the highways can be difficult when your GPS doesn’t understand where Canada is and your cell reception cuts off at the border.

7. People aren’t overly friendly, but cordial. 

After my last road trip through Montana, I became accustomed to strangers being friendly to road trippers. Toronto struck a middle ground in this regard. Locals didn’t exactly go out of their way to say hello, but they weren’t assholes either. I met a guy named Walter who lived on Marcos Street and had an exquisite collection of gnomes in his yard. Naturally, I introduced myself. He was kind enough to let me snap some shots and even see the backyard collection.

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA8. The Scarborough Bluffs don’t exist. 

I read about the Scarborough Bluffs on Trip Advisor and thought it’d be a cool place to check out for some cliff-side biking. I found that the bluffs (if they do happen to exist) are pretty inaccessible by bike. After some dead ends and treacherous roads, I didn’t even catch a glimpse of any jagged peaks.

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA9. Shit’s expensive.

Just when you thought things were expensive back at home, Canada gives you a swift slap in the face. A one-way bus ride cost me $4.35, a mediocre six-pack of beer costs me around $13, and if I could figure out the metric system I’d tell you what an exorbitant rate I paid for gas.

Those are the nine random things that I’ll probably remember most about being in Toronto? I can’t say that I felt at home there and I’m not sure if I’ll be back anytime soon, but it definitely was an interesting place that was fun to spend a few days in.

Art from the Road

I am an absolutely terrible artist. You may have heard about a project that I was a founding member of back in 2008, Free Crappy Portraits. The purpose of Free Crappy Portraits (FCP) was to draw strangers in public (with or against their will) and/or from the Internet based on photos they submitted. We kept our clients’ expectations low and never disappointed!

The only art class I took in college was art history. I signed up for a park district painting class a couple years ago and the instructor simply stopped showing up. Although I am a lost cause to the art world, I found my place creating really bad portraits for strangers at no cost.

Today, I carry around a sketch book wherever I go on my travels. Although I my technique is embarrassing  and I have no sense of perspective, I love to draw the versions of things that I see along the road. My recent travels to South Dakota, Wyoming, and Montana were no exception. Here are just a few of the awesomely terrible works of road trip art from my sketchbook.

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I call this one “Mt. Gnomemore”. After walking around Mt. Rushmore with my trusty travel gnome, I felt that the roles should be reversed. I think that this is a truly brilliant idea and after Googling it, I am convinced that it is unique to my creation. This may just be my ticket to fame and fortune.

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Created with oil pastels, this is my “Welcome to Montana’ drawing. As we crossed the border from Wyoming into Montana, we were greeted with cows on the side of the road, lakes and rivers in the foreground, mountains in the background, and adorable cabins along the roadside. A night of peaceful camping awaited us across the border.

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This colored pencil sketch is called, “Creatures in the Campground.” We camped at Mammoth Campground in Yellowstone National Park for five nights. Due to the winter season, it was the only campground open at that time and the temperatures often dipped below 20-degrees.

Bison and elk regularly roamed about the campground, incredibly close to our tent and Jeep. Although I was initially terrified to sleep next to these wild creatures (who would surely attack at any moment), I eventually came to trust that they wouldn’t mess with me if I didn’t mess with them.

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Prior to starting this road trip, we bought an inflatable kayak and all the necessary accessories. Although the temperatures were almost always cold and the winds strong, one particular day in the Big Horn National Forest of Wyoming proved to be perfect for boating.

Our first kayaking attempt in the Big Horn Canyon was successful. We didn’t tip over, the kayak didn’t get punctured, and no one got hypothermia. This above photo depicts a painting that I completed while staying in a remote, snowed-in cabin at 9,000+ elevation.

Although I take travel notes and write throughout my trips, my crappy artwork helps me to remember things the way that I first saw them. Although my drawings and paintings could easily be mistake for a five-year-old’s, I love flipping through my sketchbook and making fun of myself from time to time while reminiscing.

Even if you’re an avid photographer or writer, give it a try. What you see in your mind’s eye might provide a more lasting memory than any snapshot could show or words describe. For whatever reason, it does for me.

A Visit to the World’s Largest Concrete Gnome – Ames, Iowa

His name was Elwood and he lived in Ames, Iowa. I had dreamed about the day that he and I would someday meet.

No, I’m not cheating on my boyfriend. Elwood is the world’s largest concrete gnome. And I had become obsessed.

IMG_1101It took six hour to reach Ames, Iowa from our home base in Chicago. The minutes felt like hours and the hours like days. There was snow on the ground, but the sun was shining brightly. All felt right in the world.

Elwood lives in the Reiman Gardens on the campus of Iowa State University. He’s fifteen feet tall and weighs a whopping 3,500 pounds of pure gnome awesomeness.

We have Wausau, Wisconsin residents, Andy and Connie Kautza, to thank for this record-breaking gnome. Prior to their magnificent creation, a gnome named Chomsky (Gnome Chomsky…har har har) held the record. Chomsky, who resides in an upstate New York miniature golf course, measures a measly thirteen feet and six inches tall.

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I couldn’t help but jump for pure unadulterated joy in the presence of Elwood. Since it was winter, there were very few living plants in the garden and even fewer human species. I had Elwood all to myself, just like I wanted him.

I felt the immediate impulse to climb Elwood. Even as a moderately-experienced rock climber, I found Elwood very difficult to summit. It seems that even the largest of gnomes aren’t built with intuitive hand holds and foot ledges.

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A second big thanks goes out to my boyfriend and gnome photographer. Not only does he tolerate my gnome obsession, he even encourages it on occasion.

As I squealed and scurried about with anticipation and excitement, he held his fancy camera steady and got some amazing shots of Elwood.

A final thanks goes out to Reiman Gardens, which spent about $8,000 of private-raised funds to have Elwood built at National Rock & Sculpture in Wausau and transported to his current location in 2010. Elwood is composed of two layers of concrete, which includes an iron-welded cage and metal lath. Underneath Elwood’s nine colors of custom-mixed paint, he is painted black to add texture to the creases of the sculpture.

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After the initial brouhaha, I settled in a nearby pavilion to spend some quality time with Elwood and reflect upon the day. My plush gnome companion, DJ Spaghetti Sauce, seemed to look up to Elwood like a big brother, although they barely knew each other.

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Once you spend a few hours with Elwood and stroll the outdoor trails around the gardens, you should check out the small, enclosed botanical gardens near the entrance. You’ll a pleasant array of native plants and a 2,500-square-foot indoor butterfly habitat. It’s warm inside and the friendly staff loves to tell you about its collection.

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As you regretfully make your way back to the parking lot, take a quick peek into the gift shop to see if any smaller gnomes are available to accompany you back home to your own garden. If you have a few hundred dollars to spare, make sure to pick up one of these university-themed gnome replicas, which stand a couple feet tall.

I was actually disappointed to find an utter lack of smaller gnomes in the Reiman Gardens gift shop. The shelves carried a typical fare of locally-made crafts and Christmas ornaments, but ironically, no gnomes.

Consumerism aside, if you find yourself anywhere in the near vicinity of the state of Iowa, make sure to pay Elwood a visit. Even if you’re not as obsessed with gnomes as I am, he makes a great excuse for a road stop pit stop if you’ve already exhausted the college bar and country strip club circuit.

Celebrating Gnomers’ Day in Joliet, Illinois

The most recent issue of The International Gnome Club Newsletter featured a great article about how to prepare for and celebrate Gnomers’ Day on December 1st. With just a bit of research, I was delighted to find a Gnomers’ Day celebration in my neck of the woods. The Billie Limacher Bicentennial Park in Joliet, Illinois hosted their 36th Annual Festival of the Gnomes with a musical theater performance and a craft fair on December 1, 2012.

A 90-minute musical theater show was performed at both 1:00 and 3:30pm, and featured around 50 actors of all ages telling stories and singing songs about gnomes. The park building lobby was transformed into a “gnomemade” craft fair filled with gnomish creations from local artists. Girl and boy stuffed gnome dolls were raffled off at the end of the festival. Despite my fifteen raffle entries, I was not fortunate to win either one of them! Refreshments of baked goods and coffee were also served.

My favorite part of the fair was the “make your own gnome hat” station. Nearly all festival attendees spent the worthwhile $3.00 for a felt hat (red for boys, green for girls) and decorated it with a variety of pins, feathers, and jewels. A tassel was added to your hat each year you returned to the festival. No one had more tassels than the park’s own founder and president, Billie Limacher, who sported thirty-six tassels for each year the gnome festival was held. I had the pleasure of meeting Billie, who was a spunky and enthusiastic 90+ year-old woman wearing an elaborate “grandma gnome” costume.

I could barely contain my excitement throughout the day, as I had never been surrounded by so many other gnome enthusiasts all at once before. I can truly say that Gnomers’ Day was one of the best days I’ve ever had. I made new gnome collector friends, handed out business cards to network with local gnome artists, and bought more than my fair share of crafts to add to my expanding gnome collection. A year is a long time to wait, but I’m excited to see what’s in store for Gnomers’ Day 2013!

 

*Photography by Sridhar Balasubramanian

Gnomish Encounters of a Swiss Variety

I recently traveled to Switzerland to do some sightseeing and take a vacation from the daily grind back in Chicago. At least one of my gnomes always tags along me when I travel, because as I have learned, gnomes love adventure and they are extremely photogenic.

I arrived in Zürich, Switzerland on a chilly February evening and began to explore the city.  As I passed techno clubs and artsy lounges, a flash of color caught my eye in an alley…an alley that seemed no different than other alley in Zürich, Chicago, or anywhere else in between.

Lo and behold, what do I see? Dozens of life-sized gnomes extending from one end of the alley to the other! I squealed with delight and ran up to greet them with my best fake Swiss accent. I was so thrilled to meet them that I could barely hold my camera still enough to snap a shot. My travel companion, who happened to my boyfriend at the time, looked at me with a familiar sense of confusion. He had never understood my fascination with gnomes. Ignoring his blank stare, I shoved my camera into is hands and nodded towards the gnomes, still too excited to form actual words.

I scoured the premises, but try as I might, I could find no explanation of where these gnomes came from and why they lived here. There were no signs to explain their presence and no one around to even ask. I chalked it up to the general mystery that surrounds all gnome-kind and proceeded to enjoy the rest of my vacation.

When I arrived back home, I was determined to get to the bottom of these mysterious Swiss gnomes and expose the secret that I felt compelled to discover. Despite countless hours on the Internet, my research turned up absolutely nothing! It was as if I was the only person who encountered them!

Just as I was throwing in the towel, I came across a Wikipedia article entitled “Gnomes of Zürich”. Was this the key to my mystery? According to the article, “Gnomes of Zürich is a disparaging term for Swiss bankers. Swiss bankers are popularly associated with extremely secretive policies, while gnomes in fairy tales live underground, in secret, counting their riches. Zürich is the commercial center of Switzerland.”

I conducted further investigation about these so-called gnomes.  I became infuriated that “gnome” was a hostile catchphrase propagated in the 1960’s and associated with greed, deceit, and secrecy.

My gnomish discovery was a political statement! This was not just another familiar case of gnomes appearing in unexpected places. No, no, no. By pure chance, I stumbled upon a piece of history that I would have otherwise never encountered!

Gnome lovers, be warned.  The Swiss are attempting to ruin the reputation of our sacred gnomes. This means war.